A Gift of Life
by Cheynne T
Summary: Sally Wainwright may have chosen to write-off the wonderful coupling of Kate and Caroline but I certainly haven't.
1. Chapter 1

**_Sally Wainwright, in conjunction with Sarah Lancashire and Nina Sosanya (no one could have predicted that incredible 'chemistry'), generously gave us something very beautiful in the form of the wonderful pairing of Kate and Caroline and their significance as a lesbian couple must not be underestimated because, as well as just their pure gorgeousness, they gave us visibility and recognition in a way that has never been done before. We have clung on tenaciously to Kate and Caroline through all their ups and downs, however, rightly or wrongly, Ms Wainwright has chosen to callously, cruelly and permanently rip this couple asunder leaving me, and many, many others I am sure, feeling bereft and betrayed. Harsh words I know but I can't help the way I am feeling at the moment. I am grieving for the loss of them but writing this story has helped me and I thought that perhaps reading it may help others in some small way. I know it won't bring Kate and Caroline back to us and I have no idea if it's going to work but one can only try. This story is not without issues but it is without the death of either of our lovely couple. I would have preferred episode 4 to go something along the lines of the following….._**

**_A Gift of Life_**

Kate had been up since the early hours of the morning answering her baby's needy cries but, fortunately, after a feed, a nappy change and some patient mothering she had been able to gradually coax her daughter back to sleep. Now, still in her pyjamas, Kate sat cross-legged on the bed with the baby girl lying beside her, supported on both sides by cushions and her tiny hand clasped tightly around Kate's finger, still peaceful for the time being. Kate looked down at her daughter, totally enamoured but with remnants of disbelief that they had both so miraculously survived their recent life-threatening trauma. Death had been so close at times, a welcome comfort even, as each had struggled with their agonies but each had then resolutely clung to life.

Sensing the absence of her wife next to her in their bed, Caroline had also awoken and was now showered and dressing for work. It was her first day back as Head Teacher of Sulgrave Heath Independent School since Kate's accident almost two months prior and she had to admit to harbouring mixed feelings about resuming her duties. On the one hand she was looking forward to returning to the job and back to what felt familiar; to the challenges she was certain she could meet, and to where she was confident that she had the control and power; to the routine and general predictability of a school day with its scheduled meetings and bells signalling when things were to begin and end, unlike the confusion that had reigned over her life for the past two months. On the other hand, she was reluctant to leave Kate on her own for an entire day. She had come so devastatingly close to losing her so that her instinct now was to protect and support the woman she loved as well as their child. The thought of not being able to do that while she was at work tempered her anticipation with concern and drew a worried frown to her face.

For the days following the accident and the emergency operation, firstly to deliver the baby and then to repair as best they could Kate's battered body, Caroline had watched on helplessly as her wife lay in an induced coma in order to reduce the shock to her system from all it had been through. For days none of the hospital staff had been willing to assure her that Kate would survive. The most they would commit to was that they were doing their best and there was nothing further Caroline, or any of them, could do at the moment but wait and see. Likewise, the baby had been taken to a ward where she was put in an incubator and cared for around the clock by a team of nurses specifically trained in the intricate job of caring for premature infants. There was little Caroline could do here either but peer teary-eyed through the glass window as the fragile figure, attached to life through tendrils of tubes, fought on so bravely. It had been this powerlessness, this dependence on others to make all well, a helplessness to control fate that Caroline had found most torturous.

Both in a serious condition, Kate's and the baby's time in hospital had been fraught with many anxious moments with Caroline having to make several emergency dashes to be at one or the other's bedside in case the unthinkable happened but, against all odds, both mother and daughter had battled their way back and eventually recovered sufficiently to be sent home. That had been three weeks ago and now Kate had convinced Caroline that she was strong enough to take care of herself and the baby on her own and that Caroline should consider going back to work.

Caroline had agonised over the decision for days, her fear of not being there if Kate needed her over-riding her yearning for the mental stimulation and challenges that her job gave her. However, Kate knew that now she was up to the demanding task of motherhood, her partner would soon become bored and steadily go bonkers staying at home all day every day and thus insisted that, for the sake of everyone's sanity, she return to work so here she was on a Monday morning putting the final touches to her make-up before heading off to Sulgrave Heath.

From the reflection in the mirror Caroline watched as Kate's eyes turned from the delight that was their daughter to look over at her. It seemed she had decided something.

"Flora," Kate declared with a sense of satisfaction.

Dubious. "Really?"

"Don't you like it?"

Non-committal. "It's…ah…up to you."

Disappointed by Caroline's lack of enthusiasm, Kate asked, "Isn't it up to both of us?'

She desperately wanted her partner to be more than a neutral bystander in the naming of their child.

"Yes, of course, "Caroline agreed, "but you're the…you know…you've got more say in the matter."

"You've got to like it," Kate insisted.

"I don't dislike it."

"Flora Grace."

Unsure. "Okay."

"You don't sound thrilled."

"No, I am." Her words were affirming but her manner unconvincing particularly to Kate who was finely tuned to the nuances of Caroline's voice and body language.

Keen to have the matter settled and wanting Caroline's input, Kate asked, "Well, what would you call her?"

"I like that name…it's sweet," Caroline replied momentarily mustering a bit more enthusiasm. "Good," she added. That's that settled, she hoped.

Even Caroline didn't fully understand why she was being quite so disinterested but she just couldn't seem to control it. For reasons that escaped her, she found a need to distance herself. She hadn't thought about names as she had been too distraught at first, then too tired, physically and emotionally spent, and finally, too numb to even contemplate names and then there was the other thing that niggled at the back of her brain. She knew it was foolish and, as things had turned out, it probably didn't matter so much, but it played on her mind nonetheless. When it was uncertain, unlikely even, that Kate would pull through from her operation, the tiny burr of a thought that had burrowed itself deep in Caroline's mind and lay dormant during the months of Kate's pregnancy worked its way to the surface. She could lay no legal claim to the baby whom they had considered to be _their_ daughter. Surely Greg, the biological father, or Kate's mum would have more of a claim on her than Caroline should something happen to Kate. Caroline wasn't sure she could invest so much emotional energy into a child only to face the possibility of having her ripped from her arms.

When she had thought, on those recent occasions, of losing Kate it was as though her heart was bound in her chest with barbed wire and there was a constant gnawing in her stomach that made her want to retch endlessly. Nothing could ease that agonising ache that threatened to tear her apart. Caroline didn't think she could possibly bear to go through that crippling sense of loss again so she could feel herself pulling away from the baby….she didn't want to but at the same time she was powerless to stop it.

"So you don't like it?" Kate would always know what she was thinking no matter her words.

"I do…like I say…it's growing on me…it suits her…well, it suits her now…but will it suit her when she's fourteen and has got …opinions?"

"I really like it," Kate persisted.

"Well then, that's what matters."

"I think you're just saying that."

"I wouldn't do that." Caroline tried to keep the sound of slight exasperation from creeping into her voice. "If I thought it was really abhorrent I would say so."

"As opposed to mildly abhorrent?"

Caroline didn't want to have an argument now. She needed to focus on getting to work.

"Kate, we're calling her Flora… Flora…Flora Grace." Then, before she could contain it, she added, "There's the margarine called Flora, of course."

"You've put me off it now."

"No, I haven't."

Sensing a touch of condescension, Kate replied, "Don't talk to me like that, that's how men talk." She then took the sting out of her words a little by continuing more gently, "So you like Grace?'

"I like Flora." Caroline wasn't sure that she did but she liked that Kate liked it and that was enough for her.

"You really don't. It's obvious."

With a dismissive shrug of her shoulders Caroline gave up. "She's your baby."

Once her make-up was done to her satisfaction, Caroline fetched her bag and slung its strap over her shoulder ready to leave. Kate unfolded her legs, rose from the bed and reached out, managing to catch Caroline in a loose embrace, her arms encircling Caroline's waist and pulling her in close. Melting brown eyes peered into Caroline's face as, with a serious edge to her voice, Kate whispered, "She's _our_ baby….yours and mine….we are, all three of us, equal parts of this equation."

Usually Kate's words would have smoothed the troubled waters but today Caroline was not so easily appeased. She wasn't sure if it was nerves or something else lurking in the recesses of her mind.

"But you're the….I'm noth…"

Realising the can of worms her words would open Caroline bit her sentence off there. There wasn't time to go into this now as she didn't want to be late on her first day back but she was aware that she would have to deal with this feeling eventually. Instead, she leaned in and kissed her wife carefully on the lips not wanting to smear the lipstick she had just meticulously applied.

"I'd better go and see if Lawrence has bothered to get ready," she suggested as she cupped Kate's chin in her hand and lightly brushed her thumb across the bottom lip of her mouth, ostensibly to wipe away the faint smudge of lipstick that was there but also to secure the feel and shape of its soft fullness in her memory. Since the accident Caroline had found herself doing this constantly, storing away mental photographs of everyday moments that suddenly seemed so precious…images of Kate stretched out languidly on the sofa reading, Kate smiling her broad, perfect smile as she nursed her baby or perhaps frowning as she stubbornly attempted what seemed like the impossible task of assembling the new cot, refusing to allow it to defeat her. These were all fleeting moments but Caroline wanted to keep them forever. At times she would test herself and see if she could draw upon particular images, afraid that one day they would be all she had. When faced with the very real prospect of losing Kate, it had frightened her how much of their time together she had taken for granted and glossed over without paying attention to detail. Along with the images she also attempted to memorise the soothing sound of Kate's voice as she quietly sang to calm the baby or her bubbly laugh that Caroline found to be so infectious; the taste of her kisses and her sex; the scent of her skin fresh from the shower and after they had made love. It often frustrated Caroline that it was almost impossible to do to her satisfaction.

"Right, I'd better get going….I'll call you later….You will promise to ring me if you need me won't you? For anything."

"I'll… We'll be fine."

"Promise me," Caroline insisted. She wasn't going anywhere without that assurance.

"Sure," Kate answered with an amused smile, touched by Caroline's protectiveness.

Satisfied that her request would be followed, Caroline stepped to the side of the bed, leant over and plied several soft kisses to their daughter's forehead.

"I'll see you later little….Flora Grace."

Caroline decided then and there that the name did indeed appeal to her.

After a quick glance at her watch, Caroline did a final check that she had everything that she needed and then made a dash for the stairs.

As Kate turned her attentions back to her daughter, she heard her wife's voice calling out to Lawrence and, soon after, the sound of the Jeep's tyres on the gravel as Caroline reversed it down the drive.

"What do_ you_ think of Flora Grace?" Kate asked the sleeping infant as she tested out the sound of the name once again. "I think you love it, don't you? What will we do today now that we've been left to our own devices?"

oooOooo

"What's wrong?" Caroline asked her son as she steered the Jeep along the familiar route to Sulgrave Heath.

They had been on the road for over ten minutes and Lawrence, who was normally nattering away by now, hadn't uttered a single word. When Caroline glimpsed over to gauge if there was a problem she noted the petulance on her son's face, a sure sign, she had learned, that trouble was fermenting just below the surface.

"Nothing," he replied fobbing off his mother's concern.

How could he explain to her without hurting her feelings that the last two months at school had probably been the best of his school life? He hadn't had to wear the taunts of the other students about his mother being the Head Teacher and more recently, a lesbian, for nearly two glorious months. He had been just a regular student. It appeared that it was very much a case of 'out of sight, out of mind' as the teasing had virtually disappeared over the course of her absence. He was convinced that with her return it would all fester up again and he wasn't sure he could continue to take it on the chin.

"Something's up," Caroline persisted, "you haven't said a word since we left home and I can all but see the storm cloud brewing."

"I want to go live with my dad."

Maybe if he distanced himself from her, his problems would fade. Lately, he'd constantly felt like that inconvenient third wheel, an afterthought. Everything seemed to focus on Kate and the baby and he was invisible.

Stunned by Lawrence's announcement but taking care not to lose concentration on her driving, it was Caroline's turn to go silent for a moment.

"Why?" she finally asked, trying to remain composed.

"Well, you've got Kate and the baby and dad's got…he's got no one."

Although touched by what she sensed was Lawrence's genuine concern for his father, Caroline had no confidence in John's parenting capabilities. She also understood her son well enough to know that he would take full advantage of his father's lackadaisical approach to discipline and school.

"Lawrence, I want us to be a family….you, me, Will, Kate and the baby….by the way, we're naming her Flora…Flora Grace….Just because Kate and the baby are there it doesn't mean I love you any less….I don't ….Because of the accident I've had to ….you know…take care of things….but Kate is well now and things will soon settle."

Lawrence shrugged his shoulders.

"I want to live with my dad," he repeated sullenly.

Caroline slowed down and indicated as she approached the entrance to the school. As she turned in she noticed that the signage at the front of the grounds still read "Dr Caroline Elliot". She made a mental note to have that changed to "Dr Caroline McKenzie-Dawson" as a priority.

"What does your dad think?" Caroline asked with as much calm and restraint as she could muster while she pulled into her specified parking spot.

"He'll be cool with it," was Lawrence's reply, his excitement growing as he dared to think that his mother may possibly be considering the idea.

"So you haven't mentioned it to him yet?"

"He'll be fine."

Caroline removed her car keys from the ignition and reached over for her handbag from the floor at Lawrence's feet.

"We'll talk about it tonight….Have a good day….Behave."

Excited at the prospect of perhaps going to live with his father, Lawrence took off at a run to where he could see Angus waiting for him at the top of the steps. Quelling her nerves, Caroline proceeded to enter the building at a slower, more dignified pace and make her way along the hallway and up the staircase to her office, noting with private amusement how the easily recognisable and assertive echo of her heels on the polished floor caused the turn of surprised heads at her unexpected arrival. It wouldn't take long for word of her return to spread throughout the school and for behaviours to adjust accordingly. In her absence, Mr Harrison had filled in as best he could but Dr McKenzie-Dawson's mere presence would always lift the bar that extra notch.

As Caroline was about to enter her office she heard the familiar sound of her admin assistant's voice calling out to her.

"Caroline! We weren't expecting you. How's Kate? And the baby? "

"Morning Beverley. They're good…fine…yes."

"Can I get you some tea? I think Alison has just made a fresh pot."

"Oh, has she? Oh good...ah…yes, thank you."

"I'll get that sorted and then I'll run through the day's schedule with you."

"Yes….good."

Caroline continued on into her office where she discarded her coat and hung it on the stand, along with her bag. She removed her phone from her coat pocket and made her way to her desk where she found a rather disorderly pile of files and notes that had been left by Mr Harrison. It was beyond Caroline's comprehension as to how people could function properly and do their job efficiently surrounded by such a mess and instinctively she began to create some order from the chaos, quickly sorting through and prioritising each task.

It was as she reached the bottom of the pile of papers that her mind drifted back to thoughts of Kate. She located her phone and toyed with the idea of calling her, wanting to hear the reassuring sound of her voice. As she flicked through the contact screen for Kate's number she looked at her watch and saw that it was barely 9 o'clock. She'd been away less than an hour. Kate would think she was paranoid if she called so soon. She put the phone down again. Her eyes wandered towards the door to her office to see if Beverly was coming with the tea and again her memories took her back.

After witnessing how truly happy her mother was after rekindling a lost love and then having to deal with the possibility that it could all be snatched away in an instant, Caroline had done some deep soul-searching and admitted to herself that the one person who could bring her the same kind of happiness was a woman…Kate McKenzie…. and there wasn't time to waste with denials. The sense of relief that came with this realisation was exhilarating and it had been here in her office that she had taken the initiative and shown the Modern Languages teacher just how much she desired her. Caroline recalled with almost illicit pleasure how she had clasped Kate's apprehensive face in her hands then kissed her wantonly as she used her own body to press Kate up against the door and audaciously slip her hand inside the woman's bra. Caroline couldn't help but smile as she recalled the feel of that breast, fantastically heavy, fantastically hard at the tip.

A sharp rap on the door jolted Caroline back from her daydreaming.

"Tea," Beverley announced as she placed the steaming mug on Caroline's desk.

"Ah….Thank you."

Beverley then consulted her notebook.

"Mr Harrison has requested a meeting with you at 9:30am to catch you up to speed on everything so I've allowed an hour for that…..you should be over it by then…. and then at 10:45am you're seeing Cressida Wade's parents….here's her file."

Beverley placed a disappointingly thick manila folder in front of Caroline.

"Right."

"At break," Beverly continued, "there's the HOD meeting and then first thing after lunch you're teaching….9F…Maths."

"Good God…am I?"

Beverly checked her notepad to make sure she hadn't forgotten to mention anything and then said, "That's everything I think so I'll leave you to it, shall I?" She turned to leave but, at the last minute, she gave Caroline a genuine smile and added, "It's good to have you back."

Caroline answered with a smile of her own. "Thank you…Oh and Beverley there's just one more thing….Would you arrange to have the sign at the entrance to the school amended to 'Dr Caroline McKenzie-Dawson' ASAP?"

"Sure."

As Beverley departed, Caroline picked up her phone and once again contemplated ringing Kate. It really was too soon to call but Caroline decided that a text message would be an acceptable alternative. She had a couple of minutes before Mr Harrison landed in her office so what better way to spend that time.

Her fingers rapidly jived over the screen. She re-read her message….. "I love you with all my heart"…..and then pressed 'send'.

It was as Mr Harrison gave a cursory knock on the door and then entered that Caroline's phone buzzed, alerting her to an awaiting message. She fleetingly considered ignoring it, not wanting to appear impolite in front of her colleague, but instantly changed her mind. It was a reply from Kate and when she opened it there was a 'selfie' of Kate and Flora obviously out in the garden, each beautiful face beaming at her and with the message below… "And we love you". Instantly Caroline felt her heart inflate like a balloon and she couldn't contain the smile that spread across her face.

Mr Harrison mistakenly thought the smile was meant for him and replied with his own toothy grin. Caroline didn't bother to explain or inform him differently.

"Welcome back, Dr…"  
>Caroline helped him out. "McKenzie-Dawson."<p>

"Right….It's good to have you back although I think you'll find things have run quite smoothly while you've been away."

The man was fishing for a compliment. He'd have to try harder than that.

"Thank you, James. Why don't you have a seat?"

Caroline ushered the tall, gangly figure over to one of the chairs at her meeting table and then took the seat at the head.

oooOooo

The first thing Kate had decided she would do that morning was to take advantage of her daughter being asleep to shower and prepare for the day ahead.

As she stood in the shower allowing the hot water to stream over her body, its heat soothing the dull ache that still persisted within her muscles, she ran a dark finger along the fresh scar on her belly, the site of the incision the doctors had made in order to rescue her daughter from her damaged, failing body. It hadn't been the birth she had been preparing for and she struggled with the fact that she hadn't been conscious as her daughter was brought into the world but she consoled herself with the fact that, despite the odds being heavily stacked against them, they had both managed to survive and she now had the two things she had desperately wanted for so long, a thriving baby girl and Caroline.

The beginnings of a cry jarred her from her thoughts. Kate turned off the water and quickly towelled herself dry then returned to the bedroom to look in on her daughter who was now wide awake and winding up to a full blown howl. Kate gently picked her up and held her next to her bare flesh as she rocked her in her arms and kissed each soft cheek, soothing her with words of comfort. At moments like this when her baby cried so pitifully Kate wondered if the harrowing way in which she had been brought into the world had affected her. Was she remembering? Was she in pain? When Kate had voiced her concerns to Caroline her partner had assured her that their daughter would have no recollection of what had happened and it was perfectly normal for a baby to cry like that but Kate couldn't completely assuage her feelings of guilt. Parents were supposed to protect their children from such harm. She knew it was a ridiculous notion. She had taken all the care she possibly could and the cause of the accident lay entirely in the hands of the delinquents who had stolen a car and were mindlessly joy riding but she couldn't quite wash away the thought of how different things might have been if she had left the shop a minute earlier or a minute later.

As the baby's cries subsided, Kate placed her back on the bed just long enough to get dressed. She then took her into the newly-painted nursery where she bathed her and gave her a fresh nappy and clothes before carrying her down to the kitchen where she could prepare a bottle for her as well as her own breakfast.

Just as Kate made her way down the stairs the phone in her pocket rang and gave a buzz. There was a message from Caroline. When she opened it the words on the screen brought a broad smile to her face. Knowing how much her wife loved her never failed to leave her feeling quite 'something else'…exhilarated. She often thought that it would be almost possible for her to live and breathe from that love alone and she knew for certain that she couldn't live without it.

Kate diverted from her path to the kitchen and headed into the backyard just long enough to take a photo of herself nursing Flora in their favourite spot, the garden seat, which she then sent to Caroline with an equally affectionate message.

Back inside, Kate nestled Flora securely in the swing seat they had bought for her and placed it where the baby could see her or at least sense her presence but, more importantly, Kate could keep a watchful eye on the infant. With her baby distracted by the colourful shapes and baubles that hung in front of her and content with the world for the moment, Kate went about preparing the formula for the bottle until she was disrupted with a start by the sudden sound of a voice echoing from the hallway.

"Morning, love."

Recognising Celia's voice, Kate replied, "Oh… Morning, Celia," as she continued with what she was doing.

"I hope you don't mind me popping in like this….I just thought I'd pay a visit and see how you were getting along…well, actually, between you, me and the gate post, Caroline made me promise last night that I'd keep an eye on you…you know…make sure you were coping…she was worried about you …what, with her going back to work and all…so this is me keeping my word…then I'll keep out of your hair."

Although it had appeared that Caroline's relationship with her mother had disintegrated beyond repair when Celia had obstinately refused to attend their wedding, all hostilities had been instantly forgotten with the accident. It had been Celia who had immediately rushed to her daughter's side to provide the love and support Caroline so desperately needed during that dire time when Kate's condition hung tentatively in the balance. With her nerves stretched to their limit and her emotions rubbed raw, Caroline had relied heavily on her mother to help her make it through from one dreadful day to the next. Besides, it would have taken too much energy...energy she didn't have to spare...to remain angry with her mother.

"Can I get you a cup of tea?" Kate asked amicably. It hadn't come as a total surprise that Caroline had sent her mother in to do reconnaissance.

"That would be lovely…thanks," Celia replied as she sat herself one of the kitchen stools. "Where's the baby….my grand-daughter."

Kate's heart skipped a beat. It was the first time she'd heard Celia refer to the baby as her grand-daughter. She couldn't wait to tell Caroline.

"I'm about to fetch her and give her a bottle," Kate replied.

"You go and feed her and I'll make us both a cup of tea," Celia offered as she slid off the stool and made for the electric jug.

Celia had decided that she quite liked Kate and figured that if Caroline had to be like _that _she could have done a lot worse.

Kate gave Celia a grateful smile and an unexpected peck on the cheek as she took the bottle and headed for the living room, fetching Flora on the way.

It wasn't long after Kate had settled comfortably on the sofa and had begun feeding her daughter that Celia joined them in the living room, a mug of tea in each hand. She put one of the mugs on the coffee table in front of Kate and then settled herself into the nearby armchair to sip her own brew.

"We've decided on a name for her….well, at least I think we have…I like it and Caroline says she likes it but I'm not so sure she does," Kate began.

"Have you? What have you decided to call her?"

"Flora…Flora Grace," Kate announced happily but a little hesitantly as she waited to hear Celia's opinion.

"Why that's beautiful…Flora Grace…it suits her….Never mind Caroline….she'll tell you if she doesn't like it."

Kate gave Celia a look of relief before asking, "Where's Alan?"

"He's back in the flat speaking to Gary on the phone," Celia answered with a dramatic roll of her eyes, "He's trying to talk his way out of going to another tedious football match….I've as much as said that if he can't get out of it he'll be going on his own…I'll not be going."

"I'm not much of a football fan either," Kate confided.

"To be honest with you, I'd rather eat my own skin than attend another one of those dreary matches…what a waste of a day."

Kate sensed that Celia was getting worked up so decided to change the subject.

"How are the plans for your holiday coming along? Where exactly are you going?"

"We've booked the plane tickets ….we're going to New Zealand first to see Alan's brother, Ted and all his family and then we're on to Australia…I have a friend in Toowoomba, just left of Brisbane."

"Wow… sounds exciting," Kate exclaimed and then added their bit of news, "Caroline and I thought we might go to New York at Christmas time to visit my mum but we haven't made any firm plans yet."

"That will be nice, love," Celia replied as she stood and collected the empty mugs and headed for the kitchen, "although travelling with babies is always a bit of a chore."

Celia rinsed the mugs and left them to drain.

"I'll be off now but don't hesitate to call out if you need anything…we'll be in most of the day," Celia offered as she stood by Kate's side and gently stroked the baby's fine, dark hair. "Bye then, little Flora Grace."

With her hunger sated and the wind removed, Flora had drifted off to sleep. Being careful not to disturb her, Kate placed the tiny figure back in the swing seat with the intention of making herself something to eat but no sooner had she started towards the kitchen when there was a sharp, impatient knock at the door.

Kate's mood shifted as she opened it and recognised the form standing there.

"John," she said frostily.

"Oh, hello….I've come to see…is my wi…is Caroline in?"

Kate instantly felt the hackles on the back of her neck rise in annoyance.

"No…_my_ wife is out at the moment," she retorted, infuriated by his stubborn refusal to accept that he and Caroline were divorced quite a while ago now and Caroline was now happily married to her.

"Oh, I see….Can I come in?" he persisted as he stepped forward fully expecting to be allowed to enter, however, Kate held her ground.

"There's no point. Caroline won't be home until much later this afternoon and it's not convenient right at the moment," she replied as she steadfastly blocked the doorway.

She'd had just about as much as she could stand of this complete tosser insinuating himself into their lives.

"John, you need to stop turning up here without calling first. It's not polite. "

"But this is my hou…."

"No, we bought you out. Remember?"

"Yes, I know but….."

"But what, John?" Kate set her jaw and glared at him with eyes as hard as flint.

"Will you tell Caroline I called?" he replied dejectedly but Kate was not falling for his hangdog look.

"What? And spoil her day? I don't think so, John."

Realising that he had quite possibly worn out his welcome, John thrust his hands into his pockets, turned on his heels and walked sulkily towards his car. Kate closed the door on the retreating figure and exhaled a puff of air from her cheeks in exasperation. The man was a complete jerk but for once she hadn't been daft enough to feel sorry for him.

oooOooo

Caroline had been consumed by the business of her day and was surprised when Lawrence turned up in her office to wait for her to drive them home.

"Mum, it's after four o'clock," he complained, "Time to go."

"Yes, alright," Caroline answered, "I'll finish this and then we'll go…I'll be ten minutes….Why don't you take the keys and wait in the car?"

Seeing that as a better option than hanging around in his mother's office Lawrence located the keys in Caroline's bag and took off with a final, "Don't be long."

Caroline flicked through the last few pages of the report she had been reading, signed half a dozen forms, did one more check of her emails and then shut down her computer for the day. Within the promised ten minutes she had her coat and bag and was ready to leave. Realising the time, she was suddenly anxious to be home with Kate and the baby.

As she approached her car she handed her bag to Lawrence to put at his feet and then walked around to the driver's side. Before she could get in, her eye was caught by some marks on the car door. Someone had etched the word 'dyke' into the first layer of paint. Determined not to allow anyone the satisfaction of seeing her angry and not wanting to upset her son, Caroline kept her displeasure tightly under control as she got into her car and drove off.

The trip to and from Sulgrave Heath was a relatively short one, twenty minutes tops, but it seemed to Caroline that although the wheels of her jeep were spinning they weren't getting any closer, or at least, not quickly enough for her liking. From out of the blue a sense of panic struck as she felt her heart begin to thud in her chest and her breathing become shallow and erratic. Was Kate alright? Irrationally, all the things that could possibly go wrong, all the accidents that could possibly happen began to race through her mind. She had a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel and had to fight the urge to press the accelerator closer to the floor. What if Kate or the baby weren't there? If only she was home to see that they were unharmed.

It was only when she finally pulled into the driveway of 46 Conway Drive that Caroline was able to draw a deep, calming breath. She quickly gathered her things and made for the door, sorting through her keys with anxious fingers as she did so but she was halted in her tracks by Lawrence who called out to her.

"Mum, have you seen this?"

She turned to see Lawrence's mortified expression as he pointed out the word scrawled on the car door.

"Ah…yes…I did notice it but don't worry, it's easily fixed," Caroline replied dismissively as she didn't want a fuss. "And don't worry…I will find out who did it."

She had been through so much recently, her world had been rocked to its core, so that a few scratches on her car, in the real scheme of things, was insignificant although, as she had promised Lawrence, she would eventually find the culprits responsible for it and give them a thorough lesson on why homophobia is totally unacceptable and if they thought they were going to use her sexuality as a stick to beat her and her family with in the misguided belief that she'd take it lying down then they were seriously mistaken. For now, however, she had more important things on her mind.

Lawrence watched disbelievingly as his mother disregarded the slur and continued towards the house apparently unconcerned.

Just as Caroline was about to put her key in the lock, the door opened. Kate stood in the doorway, a picture of health, greeting her with a warm smile. Caroline hadn't realised it but she had been holding her breath. The sight of Kate safe and sound was a signal for her to breathe again as relief raced through her veins like a shot of adrenaline.

Suddenly a weak "Hi" was all she could manage as she choked back the lump forming in her throat. Unexpected tears welled up and threatened to spill catching her completely off guard as she struggled to hold them at bay, unable to fully explain their presence. She'd only been gone for a few hours. She was being ridiculous or so she felt.

To hide her embarrassment and to buy some time to regain her composure, Caroline walked into the hallway where she tossed her keys into the bowl on the small antique table and then took her time to remove her coat and hang it on its hook. As she did so Kate moved in behind her and settled her arms around Caroline's waist, pressing her lips against the nape of her partner's neck in a flurry of light kisses. The flutter of her warm breath causing goose bumps to rise on Caroline's skin as she whispered, "I missed you today."

In one smooth movement Caroline turned to face her wife, slipping her arms around her neck and tugging her gently forward so as to feel the reassuring press of their bodies together. Their eyes met briefly before Caroline hungrily claimed Kate's full, inviting mouth with her own in several, short eager kisses, plying them feverishly until her qualms were eased and until both women sank into longer, more languid kisses. Caroline placed a hand on Kate's chest and could feel the now strong beat of her heart; she listened for the soft moans of pleasure that escaped her partner's lips and delighted in the touch of those dextrous fingers which began to caress her hair.

Since the accident Caroline's subconscious had plagued her with the fear that she had gone insane with grief and that Kate wasn't really there but merely a taunting apparition, a ghost, and if she were to leave her for any length of time Kate would no longer appear to her when she returned. She knew it was crazy and made no sense but still, the sight of Kate waiting for her, alive and well, all flesh and blood, a beating heart and a smiling face, flooded her soul with immeasurable relief. Her Kate was real and there with her.

oooOooo

"And all that I am

And all that I'll be

It's nothing at all

If you can't be with me."

oooOooo

**_A/N: Kate and Caroline FOREVER…even if forever is a very long time….in theory._**


	2. Chapter 2

**_A Gift of Life_**

**_Chapter 2_**

A famished Lawrence pushed his way past his mother and Kate as they were embracing in the hallway, his hunger such that his manners were totally forgotten and there was not so much as an 'excuse me' as he headed directly to the kitchen to sate his appetite.

As they stepped out of his way, Caroline loosened her hold on Kate and asked, "Where's Flora?"

Kate grinned broadly. "So we are going with that name? Flora Grace?"

"I think we ought to, don't you?"

"You do like it then?" Kate double-checked, not wanting Caroline to settle for a name that she wasn't fond of and may regret agreeing to further down the track.

Caroline answered Kate's doubts not with words but with another lingering kiss and an intimate, playful nuzzle. The last of her panic had been washed from her mind and was replaced with a happiness that emanated from being with the woman she loved and finally having the courage and freedom to love her openly….it was a happiness that she had seldom felt until Kate came into her life.

"I can't imagine calling her anything else now, can you?….. Where is she?"

"She's with your mother and Alan around in the flat," Kate explained, "Celia offered to take her for a while so I could have an afternoon nap."

A day on her own with her daughter had turned out to be more tiring than she expected and Kate conceded to herself that perhaps she wasn't quite as strong as she had hoped. She was always aware that it would take time for her body to fully recover from the trauma it had been through but, nonetheless, she was disappointed that by early afternoon her energy level was low and she was weary. It was then that she developed a much fuller appreciation of everything Caroline had done for her during her recuperation. Eventually her endurance would improve. She knew that she just needed to be patient.

"Oh! You'll never guess what happened," Kate continued on a little more excitedly as they both made their way, hand in hand, towards the kitchen.

"What?" Caroline asked, amused by Kate's animated enthusiasm.

"Celia came in this morning and asked to see her _'grand-daughter'_….. She actually used those words '_my grand-daughter_'."

"Really?" Caroline replied with obvious surprise.

While the horror of the accident had forced Caroline and Celia to mend their differences over Celia's refusal to attend the wedding and their relationship was now, more or less, back on an even keel, Caroline had not assumed that her mother had completely overcome her misconceptions towards her sexuality, the fact that she had married another woman and that they had a baby with two mothers but no father. However, she had also come to the conclusion that being as stubborn as Celia would not progress her cause and had since decided to use a different tact to solve the problem, if indeed it could be solved.

Caroline would forever rue the fact that she had spent much of her wedding day being angry with her mother rather than celebrating fully this one very special occasion in her life. Nothing could change that now, it was done, but the near loss of her wife so soon afterwards pushed this regret home with cyclonic force. Celia would not, Caroline realised, overcome a lifetime of prejudices instantly just because she wanted her to. Instead, Caroline, too, chose to play the game of patience, hoping that over time her mother would see for herself how happy Kate made her and that their life together was not really out of the ordinary or anything too bizarre. With today's revelation, Caroline dared to believe that maybe her approach was working as Celia's apparent acceptance of Flora as her grandchild for the first time was certainly a significant step forward.

"Why don't you go around and fetch her while I see to dinner?" Kate suggested.

"Oh, you're definitely a keeper… I've always wanted a wife who would have dinner on the table for me after a hard day at the office," Caroline teased, baiting the hook on which she got an almost instant tug.

"Hmmm….Don't get too carried away with the idea," Kate warned with a mock frown, "it will be your turn to spoil me on the weekend."

"With pleasure," Caroline whispered as she approached her wife and gave her another languid kiss which she eventually broke in order to go and track down her daughter.

"Tell Celia and Alan that dinner will be ready in about an hour," Kate called after her.

Caroline stopped mid-stride to turn and raise a questioning eyebrow.

"Celia popped in this afternoon….and twice this morning…to see how I was….."

Caroline could feel a guilty flush begin to colour her neck and cheeks.

"So I invited them for dinner…I hope you don't mind….."

"Of course not…that's fine," Caroline replied with a dismissive wave of her hand as she then continued on her way.

As Caroline was about to stop and knock on the glass of the large window to what had once been her mother's retreat at the rear of the house and was now where Celia and Alan regularly stayed as they flitted back and forth between Halifax and Harrogate, she caught sight of her mother cradling baby Flora. Caroline held back from drawing her mother's attention for a moment as she took in the rather amazing sight of Celia, all 'goos and gahs', clucking affectionately over the child she held protectively in her arms. An unmistakeable expression of maternal joy softened her mother's usually stern features. Caroline recognised it as the same expression she had often seen when Celia had nursed a young William or Lawrence. It was a look that was etched firmly in her mind because it had contrasted so starkly to the constant frown of discontent she wore whilst enduring being locked in a loveless marriage to her philandering husband, Kenneth.

A sense of elation and hope swelled in Caroline's chest. If her mother could accept Flora as her grandchild then Caroline was more optimistic that she would also come around to fully accepting her partnership with Kate which would make her own happiness complete. Caroline realised that she was probably getting way ahead of herself and began to rein in her expectations. Small steps, she reminded herself, small steps.

Finally Caroline gave a light tap on the window to alert Celia to her presence and then made her way around to the door which Alan opened for her.

He greeted her with his usual congenial smile and an "Oh, hello, love."

"Hello, Alan," Caroline replied returning his smile as she then walked over to her mother and pecked her on the cheek. "Hi, Mum. How has she been?"

Caroline ran a loving hand gently over the baby's head of silky, dark hair.

She's wonderful, love," Celia answered almost in a whisper, "I've not long given her a bottle so she'll be getting ready for a sleep….. It's funny isn't it….babies?"

"What do you mean?"

"They're always welcome when they come," Celia explained as she peered into the tiny, perfect face, "even when they're unexpected ….I never in my wildest dreams thought you'd be a mum again."

"Mmmm…."was all Caroline responded with.

To be honest, nobody was more surprised that she was a mum again at this stage in her life than Caroline herself. It had never occurred to her to consider that she would be doing this all over again at 47 until Kate had confessed to her a deep desire to have a baby and to raise it with her. Although Caroline didn't want a baby she couldn't honestly say she didn't _not _want one….when all was said and done, she had wanted what Kate wanted and despite the likelihood that it wouldn't happen and the unhappiness that would have possibly ensued, she wouldn't have stopped her…it was Kate's life, Kate's body…who was she to say 'no'.

"How was your first day back at work?" Celia inquired.

Caroline smiled but added a slightly dramatic eye-roll.

"By lunch time it felt like I'd never been away. Nothing much has changed, although I have to say that James Harrison isn't the most organised person I know….I spent a considerable portion of my day sorting through his scrawled notes and trying to decipher his proliferation of messages as well as locate missing files and put my office back in order."

"Men!" Celia replied with a disgruntled groan, "They're always needing a woman to be cleaning up after them."

"Oi!" Alan spluttered from his seat where he had been listening quietly up until now.

"Oh, not you, love," Celia quickly backtracked, "never you."

Caroline and Alan shared a secret grin as Celia once again made one of her sweeping generalisations.

To avoid anymore possible conflict, Caroline changed the subject.

"Thanks for looking in on Kate for me and taking care of your grand-daughter….."

Caroline thought she'd throw that word in and see if it floated. There was no attempt at rebuttal from Celia.

"By the way, we've chosen a name," Caroline added.

"Yes, I know…Flora Grace…Kate told me this morning….I'm quite fond of it but she said she wasn't sure you liked it."

"I wasn't sure either at first…it's that whole 'margarine' thing….but I've decided I do like it. I think it suits her."

"Kate knows, by the way."

"Knows what?'

"That you asked me to keep an eye on her."

"Oh, mum, I told you not to say anything."

"She's a smart girl….she would have worked it out, what, with me popping in and out like a cuckoo in a clock…so I decided it was best to come clean."

Once she had recovered from the surprise compliment her mother had just given Kate, Caroline asked, "Did she say anything…?"

"She was fine, love…..and I really don't think I was telling her anything she hadn't already guessed."

As she carefully handed the baby back to Caroline Celia suddenly wrinkled up her nose.

"I think our little Flora needs a nappy change," Celia suggested.

"Right….She's due for a bath anyway," Caroline replied as she headed for the door. "By the way, Kate said to tell you that dinner should be ready in an hour….45 minutes probably now," she added.

"We'll be around shortly….thank you, tell her," Celia replied as she closed the door after her.

Caroline made her way with baby Flora back into the main house. As she entered the hallway the enticing aroma of Kate's cooking greeted her and drew her into the kitchen.

"I'm going to get changed and then I'll bath Flora….Will you be alright?" Caroline asked her wife, concerned that Kate may overdo it.

"I'm fine now, really I am," Kate replied confidently as she flashed Caroline a reassuring smile. "By the time you bath Flora dinner should almost be ready…there's not much left to do."

Up in the bedroom Caroline gently lay her daughter on the bed and bunkered her in with some strategically-placed pillows for safety while she quickly changed out of her work clothes and into a pair of jeans, her favourite, well-worn sweater and some comfortable, flat shoes. She then carried Flora into the nursery, a room that Kate had redecorated paying meticulous attention to detail, and prepared to bathe her.

As Caroline eased her into the warm water the tiny face screwed up in displeasure and tears rapidly filled her eyes as she opened up her lungs to complain.

In a calm, hushed voice Caroline reassured her that it would be over soon and everything would be alright. The soothing sound of her mother's words and the gentle stroking of the warm, soapy wash cloth over her small, perfect body seemed to pacify her and the cries soon ceased before they even really got started.

"I know your other mum thinks that I didn't want you…and maybe she was right at the beginning," Caroline revealed in a low voice to her small but seemingly attentive audience of one, "but I need you to know that I do love you…I love you more every day…I can't imagine my life without you now and that's why lately I've been a bit….standoffish….As it is at the moment, if something were to happen to Kate…your other mum…you could be taken from me and I think that would literally kill me."

Flora kicked her feet frantically and splashed the water with her chubby, dark fists in protest.

"But I have a plan," Caroline continued, "first thing in the morning we are going down to the registry office and have my name put on your birth certificate."

Almost as though she understood and approved of the idea, Flora splashed the water once again and gifted her mother with a wide, happy smile which Caroline couldn't help but return.

oooOooo

Kate had placed the roast beef next to Alan and he was busily carving it up into slices and putting it on plates while everyone else helped themselves to the array of baked vegetables.

Kate and Caroline sat beside each other on one side of the table; Celia and Lawrence were opposite and Alan was positioned at the head of the table. Flora was in her swing seat beside Caroline's foot so that every now and again she could give the swing a nudge to keep up its steady, pacifying motion.

Conversation flowed freely throughout the meal as, between mouthfuls of food, they discussed everything from baby Flora and Caroline's first day back at Sulgrave Heath to Alan and Celia's experience of having to suffer through what seemed like an interminable game of football at the Harrogate Football Club the previous weekend at Gary's insistence as well as dodging any future invitations.

While they chatted, Kate sought out the solace of her partner as she often did when Caroline was in close proximity, with the entwining of their fingers, the occasional quick caress of a cheek and one or two delicate kisses to the back of Caroline's hand. Caroline recalled in her mind how these open displays of affection, particularly when her mother was present, had in the past, made her very uncomfortable. Often she would squirm with embarrassment, pull away or give Kate a discouraging glare. She knew she oughtn't to feel that way but she couldn't help it. She had spoken to Kate about it once and suggested that they keep these intimate touches for more private times and, to placate her, Kate had agreed but she had also asked, "Are you ashamed of me…us…how we feel?" Truthfully, Caroline had had to answer 'no' for, despite her lack of bravery at the time, she wasn't ashamed or embarrassed by the fact that she loved Kate…truly loved her….deep in her heart and soul loved her… and she knew that she had every right to love her openly and honestly but she just needed the courage to do so. Eventually it was Kate who had provided her with the strength to be who she was born to be.

Caroline had spent many agonising hours following the accident, as Kate lay unconscious in the hospital kept alive by machines and her fate uncertain, contemplating the possibility of never having the opportunity to feel those touches again. The idea left her distraught, unable to bear the thought, so that now she welcomed and cherished each and every caress and moment of physical contact with her wife. As far as Caroline was concerned, if her mother couldn't handle these displays of their affection then she was free to leave.

Despite any possible external battles to be faced in her future, Caroline was convinced that her internal conflict had been resolved. She was where she belonged and she wasn't about to surrender any ground to anyone, not even her mother. She was a lesbian, she liked sleeping with other women, always had.

As they sat at the table eating and chatting, Caroline kept an eye out for signs of her mother's disapproval….a displeased frown, a sharp glare or one of her disparaging 'hurrumphs'….but to Caroline's surprise her mother barely seemed to notice let alone be upset by it at all.

What Celia did notice and was concerned about was how unusually withdrawn Lawrence had been throughout the meal.

"Are you alright, love?" she asked placing her hand over his, "You're awfully quiet."

Lawrence's gaze slid towards his mother as he caught her eye.

"I'm okay thanks, gran," he replied unconvincingly as he pushed back his chair to stand. "May I be excused? I have homework to do."

"Now I'm certain there's something wrong….Homework? Lawrence?" Celia stated doubtfully but Lawrence had disappeared up towards his room before he had to face any more questions.

Before Celia could pursue the topic of Lawrence any further, they were distracted by the simultaneous buzz and ringing of a mobile phone.

"I think that's you," Celia prompted an oblivious Alan.

Alan quickly reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone. He looked at the screen to see who was calling and then pressed 'ignore'.

"Gary?" Celia guessed as she noted the exasperated expression on her husband's face.

Alan gave a frown and a nod as he returned the phone to his coat pocket.

Confused by their reaction, Caroline asked, "What's wrong with Gary?"

"Nothing really," Celia answered, "it's just that he seems to be very needy. He's forever calling us and at all times of the day and night and for no real reason."

Not wanting to upset Alan or continue on the topic of 'Gary', Celia rose and started collecting up the used plates and carrying them into the kitchen. Caroline joined her while Alan's offer to help was turned down and he was given strict instructions to take his cup of tea into the living room and relax.

Kate lifted their daughter from her swing seat and gave her to Caroline for a kiss goodnight. She then excused herself so she could put Flora to bed for the evening.

"Lawrence wants to go and live with John," Caroline revealed to her mother as they clattered about the kitchen rinsing dishes and putting away left-over food.

"No!" Celia exclaimed, a little shocked by the news. "Why does he want to go and do that?"

"Between the accident and the arrival of the baby I think he's feeling a bit…you know…left out," Caroline explained, the upset obvious in her voice.

"I can see there's that but surely he realises that you had no choice….You had to look after Kate and the baby…..What are you going to do? He can't go and live with that ….useless pillock."

"I don't think I can stop him if he really wants to do it…..after all, he is 16, nearly 17 and John is his father even if the man is a complete jerk."

Caroline placed the final few plates in the dishwasher, closed the door and pushed the button to start the cycle. She then offered to pour Celia a glass of wine but her mother declined.

"I'm just about ready to turn in for the night," Celia explained. "I'll fetch Alan and leave you to it. Thank Kate for the dinner, will you love."

Caroline saw her mum and Alan to the door and then locked up behind them before heading upstairs.

As she came to the landing outside Lawrence's room she stopped. She had assured her son that they would discuss the matter of living with his father tonight so she felt obliged to keep her promise although there was no actual idea in her head as to what to do.

Caroline knocked tentatively on the door. No answer. He wasn't ignoring her, she told herself. He was probably listening to his music. She tried again more firmly and received a loud, indecipherable response which Caroline took as permission to enter. She opened the door hesitantly unsure of the reception she would receive. Teenagers were so unpredictable.

Lawrence was lying on his bed absorbed in one of his extensive collection of Death Grip comic books and listening to music through his headphones. Caroline sat herself down on the side of the bed. Lawrence removed the headphones but continued to focus on his book rather than look at his mother. Still unsure of the best way to proceed, Caroline simply sat wordlessly.

"I love you….you do know that don't you?" she finally said, her voice hoarse with emotion and uncertainty.

Lawrence closed his comic book and looked up at her, sullen and silent.

"How about if I phone your father tomorrow and discuss this …um…matter ...with him and see if we can make some plans that suit everyone? I really would like it if we could be a family…you, me, Kate and Flora."

A mollified smile spread across her son's face as he gave her a more amicable nod.

With nothing further to add, Caroline leant over and gave her son a kiss on the cheek then stood and turned for the door.

"Mum," Lawrence said in a voice barely above a whisper, "I love you too."

She turned to look at him, her blue eyes suddenly watery with tears, and gave him a brief smile and a rather shaky, "Goodnight."

Before heading for her own bedroom, Caroline did a quick check on Flora to make sure she was safe and sound. There wasn't a peep and all seemed well.

Finally Caroline made it to her own room. Kate was propped up in their bed, her glasses on, reading her emails and such on her ipad.

"Oh, hello….you eventually made it," Kate teased. "Sorry, to leave you alone but Flora has only just gone to sleep," Kate explained apologetically.

Caroline had changed and slipped into bed sidling up beside her wife, remembering as she did, to pass on Celia's 'thank you' for the dinner. Kate smiled to herself. She was determined to win Celia over, bit by stubborn bit.

Snuggling in close and resting her head on Kate's chest, Caroline said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Do you want a divorce already?" Kate suggested mischievously.

"No…never…I love being married to you, you cook an excellent baked dinner," Caroline teased back.

Kate placed her ipad on the bedside table so she could slip an arm around her partner and draw her in closer then gave Caroline her full attention. "Go on then, what do you want to ask?"

Caroline took a deep breath as she decided where to start.

"As you know, amidst all the chaos of the ….accident…"

She felt Kate tense slightly at the mention of the hit-and-run. They hadn't yet been able to really talk to one another about what had happened on that day…..it was too soon…emotions were still too raw. They would discuss it one day but not yet.

"We never did get around to registering our daughter's birth…the hospital has all the details but I mean properly registering her with a birth certificate that has our names on…yours and mine… as the parents, as well as her name now that we have chosen one."

Kate gently ran her fingers through Caroline's hair as she listened.

"I've cleared my morning schedule for tomorrow so I'm free up until lunch time," Caroline continued, "so we could drive to the Harrogate Registry Office first thing in the morning and do it….make it official…What do you think?"

"Or I could meet you in Harrogate after school so you wouldn't have to be late for work," Kate suggested innocently.

"No," Caroline said more firmly than she had intended then added on a quieter but no less urgent note, "I need to do this as soon as possible….I promised Flora I would do it as soon as possible."

For a moment Kate was confused until suddenly the reason for Caroline's urgency struck her and she understood her wife's fear.

"Of course we can," Kate agreed as she placed a loving kiss on the top of her wife's head.

"Besides that, I need to take my car into Harrogate to be fixed in the morning too," Caroline added less seriously.

"The Jeep? What's wrong with it?"

"Oh, some little cherub thought it would be a good idea to scratch words into the paint on the driver's door," Caroline muttered wearily.

Astounded at the thought of someone at Sulgrave Heath daring to do that and particularly to the Head Teacher's car, Kate asked, "What did they write?"

"Something about a Dutch water channel," was Caroline's mumbled reply. She was fading fast.

"A Dutch water channel?"

It took Kate a few seconds to unscramble Caroline's cryptic answer.

"A dy…They didn't? Surely not!"

There was no reply to her exclamation.

"Caroline?...Caroline?"

Kate looked down and could see that Caroline's eyes were closed; her wife's body lay limp and relaxed beside her with an arm resting peacefully across Kate's stomach. Caroline had fallen asleep. She was tucked in close and Kate could feel the slow, regular beat of her wife's heart next to her own.

Kate traced a slender finger very lightly along her wife's cheek down to her chin then once again kissed the top of her head.

"You're magnificent," she whispered softly to the woman she loved.


	3. Chapter 3

**_"_****_A Gift of Life"_**

**_Chapter 3_**

After she had rinsed all the used breakfast dishes and mugs and stacked them in the dishwasher with her usual pedantic precision, Caroline gave the kitchen benches one final wipe down with a damp cloth before joining Kate as she sat on a kitchen stool nursing their baby daughter who was content for the moment to lie in her mother's arms simply being adored by her attentive parents. Enamoured by them both, Caroline encircled her wife and child in a protective embrace and placed a light, ever grateful kiss on Kate's forehead.

Suddenly they were startled from the peace and quiet of the moment by the loud blare of a car horn from the driveway followed by Lawrence dashing past the kitchen at warp speed calling out as he went, "Angus is here!"

Seeing as Caroline wasn't going into work until much later in the day, Lawrence had arranged for Angus' dad to pick him up and take him to school rather than have to catch the bus. Caroline would return the favour at the end of the day.

Before Caroline could respond with a 'good-bye', Lawrence reappeared in the kitchen doorway.

"You won't forget to call dad today, will you?" he reminded her.

Kate turned to give her wife a questioning glance.

"I won't forget…now go, Angus' dad is waiting," Caroline replied a little sheepishly knowing that she should have probably mentioned the problem to Kate before now. She had been going to tell her the previous night but she had fallen asleep before she'd had a chance. "I'll see you and Angus this afternoon…Bye…Bye-bye."

As Lawrence disappeared down the hallway and out the door, Kate asked, "Why do you have to call John?"

"I'll tell you in the car," Caroline replied, "we need to get moving if we're going to make our appointment at the Register Office…it was the only appointment available for this morning and that was only after a cancellation."

She gave her wife one more reassuring kiss on the cheek before going to collect their handbags and the bag of baby paraphernalia from the dining room where they'd left them. Kate secured Flora into the baby capsule ready to carry her precious cargo to the car.

On her way, Kate made a point of checking out the damage done to the Jeep's driver's side door that Caroline had mentioned.

Shaking her head in disgust and disappointment Kate asked, "Do you think you'll find out who did this?"

"I'm fairly certain I will know by the end of the day," Caroline announced confidently. "It's not common knowledge but you only have to look to see that there is a CCTV unit overlooking that part of the entrance. We'll only have to look at the footage from yesterday to find out who the culprit is which reminds me, I'd better call Beverley and ask her to take care of that."

"What will you do once you know who it is?"

"I'm not exactly sure yet but at the very least they can pay for the repairs."

Once she had secured Flora into the rear seat in her capsule, Kate then buckled herself in the front. Caroline could see from the strained set of her jaw and the anxious look in her eyes that she was nervous. Since the accident Kate hadn't ventured out much and it was still a rather traumatic experience for her to be out on the streets and in the busy shops.

"Are you alright?" Caroline inquired quietly as she ran a comforting hand along Kate's forearm.

Kate's throat was too constricted with nerves to allow her to form words so, keeping her eyes strictly focussed ahead, she gave a determined nod.

"You'll be fine," Caroline assured her, "but you have to promise to tell me if it's getting too much for you."

Each corner of Kate's mouth turned up tentatively into a weak smile.

Caroline turned the key in the ignition, carefully reversed down the drive and entered out onto the street, driving with particular care and caution.

More as a distraction from her fear but also out of curiosity, Kate asked, "So?"

Caroline raised a puzzled eyebrow.

"So why does Lawrence want you to give John a call?" Kate expounded so as to make more sense.

Caroline hesitated. It hurt more than she cared to admit even to herself that her son preferred to go and live with John rather than stay with her. She understood, at least in part, his reasoning but that made the idea no easier to accept.

"Um…Lawrence wants to go and live with his father so, rather than have a row about it, I said I would call John and discuss it with him…maybe arrange something we're all happy with. Lawrence is nearly 17…he's old enough to do what he wants anyway."

"Oh," Kate replied meekly before going quiet altogether. Her eyes dropped to her lap as she suddenly became very absorbed by a loose thread on the hem of her blouse.

Caroline slowed down and indicated as she came to an intersection and then, noting the continued silence asked, "What's the matter?"

"Why does he want to go and live with John?" she managed to say.

Once the coast was clear Caroline turned onto the main thoroughfare to Harrogate.

Aware of what Kate might possibly be thinking Caroline put her words together carefully before answering.

"John's his dad and they've always had a good relationship regardless of what's gone on….and I think Lawrence feels a bit sorry for him not having anyone."

"Are you certain that's all it is?"

"What do you mean?"

It was Kate's turn to hesitate. She'd always had a gnawing feeling that Lawrence blamed her for his parents not sorting things out and reconciling but she'd never really voiced these thoughts before, not even to Caroline.

"I've always felt that Lawrence has harboured some resentment towards me and blames me for you and John not patching things up….and now, since the …accident…where you've spent so much of your time taking care of me and, of course, Flora…..Caroline, I never intended to come between you and Lawrence." Kate stopped there as tears threatened to spill.

"First of all," Caroline responded firmly to ensure Kate understood her sincerity, "you are not responsible for John and I breaking up or not getting back together….that would be John and Judith's fault, as you well know and second, I'm a lesbian, I prefer to be with women….and perhaps Lawrence_ is_ feeling a little left out with everything that has happened but he's nearly an adult now, he needs to realise that the world doesn't actually revolve around him alone….there are always others to consider." Caroline took a deep breath in order to settle herself before adding more quietly, "He's my son and I will always love him but he needs to learn a bit more compassion and maybe he will do that when he's been out in the world a bit more. Besides John is also his parent and should take some responsibility too. It won't hurt his father to have to deal with some teenage angst for a bit….who knows, they might both grow up."

"How do _you_ feel about it all?"

"I'm not over the moon about the idea as you can imagine…John is not the ideal role model…but I'd rather we did it amicably rather than have Lawrence storm out," Caroline explained, "although I suspect that living with John won't be quite as easy as Lawrence imagines it to be."

As they neared the Harrogate Register Office Caroline slowed down in order to search for a place to park but, despite cruising the entire block, there were no spaces available on the same side of the road as the building they wanted. Caroline realised they would have to park and cross and she knew, as she watched her wife's features tense up, that Kate had come to the same conclusion. It wasn't a busy street but it didn't matter. Kate had only been out into Harrogate twice since the accident and each time the thought of crossing a road, albeit a quiet one, filled her with dread as it brought back such terrible memories. She honestly couldn't remember exactly what had happened and for that she was grateful but an innate fear was there nonetheless.

Caroline reversed into a parking space almost directly opposite the Register Office. As she cut the Jeep's engine she reached over and gave Kate's hand an encouraging squeeze before stepping out of the vehicle and going around to open the door for her. Kate had unbuckled her seatbelt but remained frozen in her seat. Rather than force her or cajole her out of the car, Caroline left her to gather her resolve. Kate needed to do this on her own. Meanwhile Caroline busied herself lifting the pram from the rear of the Jeep, unfolding it and then unfastening Flora from her capsule and nestling her in it. She also grabbed the baby bag and put it in the pram as well. By the time Caroline had organised Flora and her lot Kate was standing stoically beside her.

"You'll be fine," Caroline whispered as she offered Kate her arm in support which was gratefully accepted.

Together they walked a short distance along the footpath until they came to a spot where they had full vision of the street for a good distance in either direction. They waited for two cars to pass and then, when it was all clear, they began to cross, both women fighting the urge to run.

Once safely on the footpath on the other side Kate's features visibly relaxed as she released her vice-like grip on Caroline's elbow. Her relief was only tempered by the thought that she would have to do it all over again in a short while, however, each time it became a little easier.

Inside the Register Office Caroline approached the receptionist and let them know they had arrived for their appointment. There was only a brief wait until their names were called then Kate, Caroline and baby Flora were ushered into a nearby room by one of the clerks - a youngish, thirty-something man dressed in a neat suit and with a head of tight red curls the colour of rust and friendly blue eyes. His greeting was warm and genuine and his manner polite. The room was small but with modern furnishings that belied the traditional exterior of the building. The clerk proffered each woman a seat as he took up his own on the opposite side of the desk and asked them what he could do to help.

While Caroline explained to him about wanting to officially register the birth of their daughter and also about the accident, Kate retrieved the necessary documents and proof of identification from her bag.

The clerk listened attentively to Caroline's story, expressing his regrets at Kate's misfortune at the appropriate time and then listened some more. At the end Caroline waited with bated breath for the inevitable questions…._Who's the father? Are you both married…to each other?... _but none of these were forthcoming. Instead, the clerk checked the paperwork thoroughly, carefully recorded all the necessary details and then in good time had the birth certificate made out in the name of Flora Grace McKenzie-Dawson, born on Sunday, 9th March 2014 in Harrogate, England to parents, Katherine Abeke McKenzie-Dawson and Caroline Elizabeth McKenzie-Dawson.

Once it was all signed, stamped and made official Kate and Caroline took a moment to admire it and all that it stood for, each silently recalling everything that they had been through to arrive at this memorable point in time. Caroline could feel her heart swell with a combination of happiness and parental pride as she also released an unconscious sigh of relief.

As they were leaving the office Caroline looked at her watch.

"I still have plenty of time before I have to be at work. There's a café not too far from here, do you want to have a celebratory bite of morning tea?"

"Why not," Kate replied, her mood somewhat lighter, "but Flora is going to want feeding soon."

"I'm fairly certain the people there will help us out with warming the bottle," Caroline assured her as she headed them out of the building and in the direction of the café, making sure that Kate was kept to the inside of the footpath and out of harm's way.

At one point, as they walked along, scaffolding from a renovation site protruded out onto the footpath narrowing their way. Caroline stepped aside and allowed Kate to lead past safely before following after her and then making it back to her side.

Fortunately there were only two other people in the tiny café that was decked out with traditional Yorkshire furnishings, for no sooner had they settled into their seats by the window overlooking the park than Flora let it be known, loud and clear, that she was wanting to be fed.

Kate lifted her daughter from the pram and attempted to soothe the wails with reassurances that nourishment was indeed on the way while Caroline quickly scrummaged through the baby bag until she found the bottle of formula which she took with her to the counter. The café owner was more than happy to oblige with the warming of the bottle, partly, Caroline suspected, because a howling baby couldn't possibly be good for business.

As Kate waited for Caroline's return she peered down at the tiny, helpless figure she held in her arms. She had so looked forward to giving birth to this life she had created…and then nurturing that life from its very first seconds, holding her close, feeding her from the milk her own body had created but within a split second all of those experiences and first vital weeks with her daughter had been recklessly snatched from her courtesy of some fools mucking about in a stolen car.

_Damn them, she thought to herself. They hadn't even stopped to see if she was alive….they'd run off like the cowards they were….damn them to…._

Kate stopped her thoughts there. It served no purpose, she knew, to hold onto this internal wrath. She needed, for her own benefit, to let it go. Being angry would not change anything that had happened, would bring nothing back and, of course, she still had so much to be grateful for. Despite the very long odds, she had survived and was relatively unscathed and more importantly her baby was also, amazingly, unharmed and was now healthy and happy, apart from the present pressing need for her bottle. She also had the love and support of her wonderful wife, Caroline, the woman she had so truly loved for such a long time now which was something she was thankful for every single day.

"This should be warm enough," Caroline said as she presented Kate with the bottle, jolting her from her thoughts.

Kate tested the temperature of the milk on the back of her hand and seemed satisfied. Flora wasted no time in consuming it.

Both women watched on mesmerised in the ensuing silence.

"I ordered us a pot of Yorkshire tea….Is that alright? I'll change the order if you would prefer something else…A coffee?...Oh, and there's some scones and jam coming too."

Kate flashed her wife one of her 100 watt smiles, the smile that still lifted Caroline's heart like a helium-filled balloon and left her feeling like an infatuated teenager with a guileless crush on one of her teachers.

"Sounds perfect," Kate replied.

The waitress timed the delivery of the tea and scones almost perfectly as it wasn't long after the pot and plates arrived at the table that Kate was able to place a now-drowsy Flora back into the pram.

"John called into the house yesterday," Kate stated in a conversational manner as she poured them both a cup of tea.

Caroline looked up in surprise causing the heavy dollop of whipped cream that she was about to spoon onto her scone to plop onto the plate instead.

"Did he? What did he want?" she asked trying to remain casual as she scooped the cream back on to her spoon.

"I'm not sure…..you, I suspect," Kate replied, the annoyance and frustration rising in her voice despite her best efforts to control them. "He wanted to know if '_his wife'_ was in and he expected to just walk into the house like he still owned it, no matter that we've had to beg, borrow and steal a small fortune in order to buy him out."

The initial look of surprise on Caroline's face soon turned to one of controlled fury, an expression the students at Sulgrave Heath had learned to fear. She'd had enough of John's interfering nonsense.

"What did you say to him?" Caroline asked, her words clipped.

"I made a point of telling him that _my wife_ wasn't home….and I reminded him that the house was no longer his and that we had bought out his share…. I also told him he needed to phone in future if he had a need to visit."

Caroline's frown softened. She couldn't help a small smile. Her wife was such a kind soul and it would have taken a lot for Kate to be so firm with her recalcitrant ex-husband. She reached out and gave Kate's hand an affectionate squeeze. While there, her fingers played with the platinum band that several weeks ago now she had slipped onto Kate's slender finger at their wedding as a physical symbol of her love and commitment to this woman.

"Caroline, I don't think he considers us and our marriage to be real….in his tiny, vacuous mind he thinks this is all pretend and that he can win you back…I would really like for him to go away."

"You and me both…You do know how ridiculous that notion of John's is don't you?" Caroline said to reassure her. "As a matter of fact, I must remember to thank Judith if I ever see her again.

"Thank Judith? What for?"

"For all of this." Caroline gestured towards Kate and Flora with her scone-filled hand. "For you, for Flora….for giving me back my true self…..If Judith hadn't slept with John I'd still be stuck living a half-life with that self-centred twat."

Kate's annoyance subsided and she laughed. She hadn't thought of it from that angle. They really did owe Judith a great deal. The woman had unknowingly done them both an enormous favour.

"When I talk to John about Lawrence I'll set him straight on these other matters as well," Caroline promised.

oooOooo

The owner of the Harrogate Panel Works shop knelt down in front of the vandalised car door running an experienced eye over the damage as he carefully considered what was required in the way of repairs. He ran one hand over where the writing had been scratched into the metal while the other hand rubbed his stubbled chin thoughtfully. As Caroline stood beside him waiting anxiously for his assessment she could feel a flush of embarrassment colour her neck and face. A hint of amusement played on the man's lips.

"Oh well, I guess it pays to advertise," he suggested, chuckling at his own joke.

Caroline shot him a glare that would have sunk a battleship.

"Sorry," he muttered noticing that his customer didn't share his sense of humour.

After a few more minutes of deliberation he delivered his verdict.

"Well, the good news," he said more seriously as he stood up, "is that the damage is restricted to just the one panel and they've not gone too deep with the scratches….it should be very straightforward to fix."

Caroline acknowledged the assessment with a nod.

"Do you know who the little brat is who did this?" he asked out of curiosity and to perhaps put himself back into his customer's good books.

"Not yet," was all Caroline replied.

"If you leave it with us today I'll have it back to you by Friday lunch time…in the meantime you can use one of our courtesy cars if you like." He nodded towards a Fiat 500 and a Vauxhall Insignia that were parked by the fence amongst a pile of discarded tyres. Both cars had probably seen better days and the Fiat 500 was definitely out of the question.

"Thank you," Caroline answered hesitantly, "I'll take the Vauxhall if that's alright." It wasn't in the same league as her Jeep Cherokee but some form of transport was going to be required.

Caroline followed the shop owner into the office where she filled out the necessary forms for the work on the Jeep to proceed as well as providing some insurance details for both the Jeep and the loan car. Kate busied herself transferring things from one vehicle to the other including baby Flora.

The Vauxhall wasn't quite was quite what Caroline was accustomed to with its interior entirely of vinyl and plastic, fitted with bass speakers that would shake your fillings loose mounted near the rear windscreen and an engine with a kick like a mule. The indicators and wiper controls were also on the opposite side to what she was used to but by the time they had made it back to 46 Conway Drive Caroline had stopped indicating with the wipers and was confident she had it all under control. She parked it at the top of the driveway and while Kate collected Flora from the backseat Caroline gathered everything else together to take inside, including, of course, the birth certificate.

Once everything was where it should be Caroline took a quick glance at her watch which told her that she needed to hurry as she had a Head of Departments meeting in just over thirty minutes. However, before she could rush out, Kate sidled up and surprised Caroline by dipping both hands into her blonde hair and guiding their lips together in what quickly became a searing kiss ….a kiss that instantly stirred parts of Caroline that probably shouldn't be stirred when she was required back at work in only half an hour's time. It wasn't until Kate's hand began to purposefully stroke and press between her thighs, however, that Caroline reluctantly drew away.

A little breath-taken Caroline said, "You can't do that to me now! I have to be in a meeting this afternoon."

"Are you sure," Kate whispered as she moved in to try again but Caroline quickly manoeuvred out of the way leaving Kate with a quick kiss on the cheek and a good-bye as she headed for the door noting, with an imperceptible grin, the slippery commotion that had begun to form between her legs.

oooOooo

The meeting began with Mrs Aspinall, on behalf of all the staff, giving Dr McKenzie-Dawson a warm, heart-felt welcome back to Sulgrave Heath. Caroline thanked them for their greeting and then it rapidly became business as usual.

The meeting was a busy one with several major matters having been put on hold during Caroline's extended absence and now, with her return, required her urgent attention and action. New questions and concerns were also raised. Caroline had Beverley make note of all these items and any business that wasn't dealt with during the meeting she had promised to address as a matter of priority. The list seemed interminable. Why hadn't Mr Harrison dealt with these issues, she had to wonder?

Eventually Caroline was saved by the sounding of the bell which signalled the resumption of lessons and the end of their meeting as several of the HODs were required on class. Even then, it was only after she had assured Mr Edwards that she would personally look at the resource list he had submitted and get back to him before the end of the week that her office was finally vacated.

"A cup of tea, Caroline?" Beverley asked.

"Yes please….if you wouldn't mind."

While Beverley went to make the tea, Caroline returned to her desk and looked for her phone which she eventually found under some paperwork she had been ploughing her way through. The last thing she felt like doing now….or possibly ever…was talking to her ex-husband but she had told her son she would do it so, with about as much enthusiasm as one would gather for having bamboo shoots shoved under their fingernails, Caroline found John's name in her contacts list and pressed 'call'.

The phone rang once….twice…three times…with no answer. Maybe he wouldn't answer and it would go to message bank allowing her to delay this conversation until another day.

"Hello….Caroline?" John's surprise at getting a call from his wife…ex-wife…was evident in his voice.

"_Damn,_" she thought to herself before replying, "Ah…yes…John, I need to talk to you about something." She kept her tone friendly but formal.

"Hi…How are you? I haven't heard from you in….Did Kate tell you I called in yesterday?"

"Yes, yes she did….John, I need to ask you something…discuss something with you…"

"Where are you? Are you at home? I could come over," he suggested hopefully.

"No…no…I'm at work." Caroline could feel her patience already rapidly draining away.

"We could meet for coff…"

"No, John," she said firmly, "I'm not meeting you anywhere."

"Okay…Another time perhaps…"

Caroline gritted her teeth in frustration. The man was insufferable.

"Are you listening, John?"

"Yes, what do you want to discuss?" A little less friendly now that his advances had been turned down.

"Lawrence."

"Lawrence?….What about Lawrence?"

Caroline took a second to steady her emotions. She didn't want John knowing that it upset her that Lawrence wanted to live with his dad.

"Lawrence wants to know if he can…come and live with you…in your flat?"

There was a stunned silence at the other end of the line so Caroline filled the space.

"He asked if he could come and live with you and I said I would discuss the matter with you and see if we could arrive at some arrangement."

"He wants to live with me? …..Lawrence does?" John asked in disbelief.

Caroline could picture the self-satisfied grin on his smug face and it was almost too much to bear. She would have dearly loved to have hung up there and then so as not to have to listen to the gloat in his voice.

"Yes…what do you think? What will I tell him?"

She hoped that John would find some excuse not to have Lawrence but that wasn't to be.

"Of course…that would be fabulous….I'll come over on the weekend and we can collect his things….he can move in on Saturday…it will give me a few days to …um…clean up a little."

_"__You mean throw out all the empty wine bottles,"_ Caroline muttered to herself before continuing, "But, John, if his marks begin to fall or his schoolwork suffers in any way, he's coming back to me. I don't care if I have to drag him kicking and screaming. Do you understand?"

"Don't worry…everything will be fine.."

Caroline could feel hot, angry tears forming in her eyes and she didn't trust herself to speak without faltering so she ended the call there and tossed her phone carelessly back onto the desk.

Feeling emotionally wrung out, she put her elbows on the desk and rested her face in the palms of her hands in order to block out the world that seemed to be whizzing by her, tossing up one mad thing after another. Was she doing the right thing by letting Lawrence go and live with John? It didn't really matter as he was old enough to leave without her permission. At least this way she didn't come out looking like the 'bad guy' again...the Wicked Witch of Whatever to John's Jack Kerouac.

Suddenly she remembered the other things she had promised Kate she would discuss with John. In her anger and haste to be rid of the man, she had forgotten. She would do it on Saturday, face to face.

"Are you alright?" came the familiar voice of her assistant.

Caroline looked up. She was sure her eyes were still a little watery but it was only Beverley. She would understand and could be trusted to be discreet.

"John," was the only reply necessary.

"Oh…enough said. Here's your tea."

Beverley placed a steaming mug of tea on the desk in front of her.

"I'll get that list of items from the meeting sorted for you and email it to you….Is there anything else you'd like me to do?"

"Yes, there is actually….I meant to call this morning but I didn't get a chance…There's been some vandalism done to my car….."

Beverley grimaced. "To your car? Done here?"

"Yes…it's nothing too serious but I would like to find the culprit…they can't be allowed to get away with that kind of thing…"

"Of course not!...I can't believe it."

"Would you contact the security company and have them take a look at yesterday's CCTV footage and see what they can find, please?"

"I'll do it straight up and get back to you," Beverley replied as she strode purposefully from the office. Over the years she had grown very protective of her boss and couldn't stand the thought that something like this had happened.

oooOooo

Caroline had waited until they had arrived home to tell her son about her phone call with John although Lawrence had brought up the topic almost immediately after Angus had been dropped off but she had managed to deflect the conversation knowing that it would be too difficult for her to discuss the matter and concentrate on driving as well. However, the moment they were inside the house, Lawrence had bailed her up in the kitchen.

"Did you ask dad like you promised?" Lawrence asked eagerly but half-expecting her to say no.

Caroline had her back to him as she filled the kettle with water.

"Yes…yes, I did," she replied barely loud enough for him to hear.

It was as though a hand had reached through her chest and was squeezing her heart with all its might. Did he think she was that unbearable to live with?

"What did he say?"

"He said he'll come over on Saturday and you can move some of your stuff over to his flat….if you like?" Caroline swallowed hard on the lump forming in her throat.

"Cool!"

At the last minute Lawrence realised that perhaps his mother was upset and he moved around the bench to give her a hug.

"Thanks mum," he said in a more considerate manner. "He doesn't have anyone."

"Sure," Caroline replied, hugging him back, "but I've told your father that if your schoolwork isn't being done or your marks drop, you're back here, no questions asked. Do you understand?"

"Everything will be fine, mum, don't worry."

Famous last words she thought as she watched him race off to his room….probably to give the good news to Angus.

"Where's Kate?" Caroline wondered. She needed some solace and Kate could always make her feel better.

She took her fresh cup of tea and went in search. They were both to be found napping peacefully in the living room, Flora in her swing seat and Kate stretched out languidly on the sofa. The sight of the two girls she loved most in the world looking so serene automatically lightened Caroline's mood considerably. Caroline wasn't sure how she did it but even asleep Kate could stir her heart and so it was, with a great deal of self-control, that she resisted the urge to lean over and kiss her wife's inviting lips and instead, she left them to their dreams as she went upstairs to change.

When Caroline returned downstairs dressed more casually, she found Kate was now in the kitchen about to prepare some vegetables. Flora was there too also alert and following the movement of her parents as best she could from her where her seat had been placed.

Caroline lifted her daughter from her seat, held her in her arms and plied her chubby, toffee-coloured hands with gentle kisses.

"So when is it my turn?" Kate asked with feigned jealousy.

Caroline obliged immediately by reaching out to Kate with her one free arm and drawing her into a loving kiss also.

oooOooo

It was that time of the evening that both Kate and Caroline really treasured. Dinner had been eaten and the cleaning up afterwards was all done. Lawrence had gone up to his room, ostensibly to sleep but in reality he was probably immersed in his latest Death Grip comic book. Caroline had fed and bathed Flora and put her in her cot. All was quiet for the time being.

Finally they had some precious time to themselves. They had each taken their glass of red wine into the living room and made themselves comfortable on the sofa, lying stretched out and side by side, their head and shoulders supported by the many cushions and their legs entwined. Many late evenings were spent like this where the couple would chat and catch up on each other's day but tonight there didn't seem to be a need for words; there was a more basic desire simply for the touch and taste of one another as they kissed, with one tender kiss leading to the next and the next and yet another.

Suddenly the buzzing of Caroline's phone disrupted their quiet and burst their perfect bubble.

"Don't answer it," Kate suggested between kisses.

Caroline tried her best to ignore it but its persistence won out as she reached across Kate's lap and grabbed it from the coffee table. She checked the screen and looked puzzled.

"It's Gillian," she whispered to Kate as she answered. "Hello. Gillian?"

"Oh, hi Caroline….Sorry to be calling so late….How are you? And Kate and the baby?"

"We're all fine, thank you ….You?"

"Yeah…good…we're all good," Gillian replied sounding rather nervous.

"What can I do for you?" Caroline asked, getting straight to the point. She wasn't really in the mood for mindless nattering with her stepsister, not when she and Kate had finally managed to grab some time to themselves.

Gillian hesitated. "I just wanted to tell you something."

That's never a good sign, Caroline thought dubiously as she untangled herself from Kate and sat up.

"What?"

"I wanted you to know before you heard it from somewhere else….it's about me and Robbie."

Alarm bells began to ring. Caroline stood up and walked into the kitchen and out of earshot of Kate.

"What about you and Robbie?" Caroline asked with a sense of dread.

"He's asked me to marry him…..and I've said yes."

Kate sat up on the sofa and followed Caroline with her eyes curious to know what was happening. Despite not being able to hear the conversation she could tell from her wife's expression and body language that things were rather serious.

Finally, when Caroline had ended the call and re-joined Kate in the living room, her mood was quite subdued…more solemn.

Kate waited for Caroline to volunteer an explanation but when nothing was forthcoming she asked, "What was that all about?"

"Oh, nothing really...Just Gillian being...Gillian," Caroline replied in an attempt to avoid any further discussion.

Kate persisted. "You seem to be rather serious all of a sudden for it to be nothing."

Caroline detested the idea of lying or keeping secrets from her wife and occasionally she thought this secret of Gillian's would be an easier burden to bear if she could share it with Kate but then, of course, the dire implications of what might happen if she did share and put Kate in the same position Gillian had put her….an unwitting accessory to murder….kept her silent.

Now, against her advice and any common sense, Robbie and Gillian were to be married. What if, after a couple of drinks when her judgement wasn't at its best, Gillian took it upon herself to confess to Robbie what she had done to her husband…his brother? It was all too frightening to contemplate.

"Can we talk about it in bed?" Caroline suggested wearily, hoping that by the time they had crawled into bed the subject would be forgotten or overshadowed by another matter.

Still bothered by Gillian's news, Caroline lay in their bed, unable to stop her mind turning over all the possibilities and consequences. At that moment she decided that if Gillian was foolish enough to confess then she would lie about any knowledge of the murder….she wasn't going to lose everything she had because of Gillian's ridiculous desire to purge her conscience….she would lie and be happy enough to live with that lie.

Kate slipped into the bed beside her.

"You look worried. What's happened?"

There was no response for a moment or two. Kate thought Caroline had perhaps fallen asleep as her eyes were closed but then suddenly they opened and looked up at her, troubled and anxious and then Caroline spoke.

"Do you remember when I told you that Gillian's husband had committed suicide…..?"


	4. Chapter 4

"_**A Gift of Life"**_

_**Chapter 4**_

The manner of Gillian's husband's death had only been brought up once before and that had been over six months ago now. Kate and Caroline had gone their separate ways after falling out on what turned out to be a disastrous weekend away for Kate's birthday. Then several months later, after spending a drunken, confession-filled night at Gillian's farm, Caroline had turned up on Kate's doorstep the following afternoon, ostensibly to thank her for taking care of Lawrence when John had gone missing in action, but also wanting to ask Kate to give her one more chance. Time without Kate…the catching glimpses of her almost every day, hearing her voice as she spoke and laughed with others but not with her, feeling her presence but not acknowledging each other except in the most formal of manners, not having her close to confide in and to love…. had brought Caroline to a much fuller appreciation of what a truly precious gift their relationship had been and she was determined to try harder.

As she worked up the courage to ask for another opportunity, Caroline had explained that she had just spent a weird night with Gillian at the farm and that after they had both drunk far too much alcohol Gillian had told her things…things that she had never been able to talk about before.

"Mmmm….I do remember you saying that he had done things to her….humiliating things," Kate recalled solemnly, "that he had raped her…and yes, I do remember you mentioning that he had committed suicide."

"He killed himself with a log splitter…Gillian was the one who walked into the barn and found him…he'd bled to death."

After wrangling with her conscience for some considerable time, Caroline had decided that despite not wanting to keep any secrets from her wife and perhaps lightening her own load somewhat by confiding in Kate, there was too much at stake. If Gillian ever blurted out the truth to Robbie the consequences would be dire and far-reaching. Caroline, herself, often wished she didn't know what she knew so she could not inflict that same fate on Kate too. None of us ever know what is around the next corner, Caroline thought, and that is particularly relevant where Gillian is concerned, so she selflessly kept the awful truth to herself.

Kate looked at her horrified. "A log splitter? That's a nasty way to go….but what has that got to do with her marrying Robbie?"

"Eddie was Robbie's older brother," Caroline explained, "and when this all happened he was convinced that Gillian had murdered Eddie."

"Murdered her own husband? Gillian?"

"Gillian and Alan were hauled in for questioning a number of times…for years Robbie kept on about it, sharing his theory with anyone who would listen."

"I can't say that I'd blame her if the things she said he did were true."

"She showed me a mark on the back of her neck where he once put out a cigarette ….and he knocked out three of her back teeth," Caroline added to perhaps quell any doubts.

"Shit," Kate muttered, although Caroline noticed she had become slightly distracted from their conversation and her eyes had taken on a different quality….more liquid…more intense.

"I can't believe he has buried all of that and now reckons to love her and wants to marry her."

…Dark fingers lightly brushed aside several strands of blonde hair that veiled her wife's amazing blue eyes…..Tender lips pressed to Caroline's forehead for a brief moment smoothing out the creases of concern…

"It's all going to end in tears….I just know it will," Caroline continued unaware that Kate had stopped listening…no, she was listening but she had stopped deciphering. Instead, she was attuned to the gentle lilt and timbre of her partner's voice. It reminded Kate of a fine red wine with its varied and subtle nuances and she loved to drink it in unadorned by the clutter of words.

"I think I'll take a drive up to Halifax on Sunday and have a chat….make sure sh.…"

…A sharp intake of breath…

Caroline's sentence was cut short as Kate's hand, which had been leisurely caressing her breasts, now passed lightly over each nipple, the sensation catching Caroline off-guard and causing her to gasp. Through the thin fabric of Caroline's pyjama top Kate could feel each bud become firm against her palm.

"You won't change her mind," Kate replied re-joining the conversation, all the while her molten eyes taking in with amusement Caroline's struggle to remain focussed as her lithe hand now strayed beneath the top. "You know what she's like when she's made up her mind about something…"

"I just want to make sure she's thought this thing through properly and it's probably best I do it in p…Oh God!"

… Feather-light kisses, hot like steam, had been plied to each bare breast and now Kate took a swollen bud in her mouth and worked it with her velvety tongue….stroking, swirling…..

"In person," Caroline finished as Kate released one nipple only to find the other and tease it until Caroline's back arched sharply pushing her breast deeper into Kate's mouth, begging her to stroke harder, swirl faster….but Kate released them entirely….she was in no rush. Instead, Caroline felt her wife's soft mouth move up against her collar bone, her neck, her cheek…until their lips met in a kiss that demanded her full attention and to which Caroline surrendered completely.

All extraneous thoughts and talk of Gillian and Robbie had now dissipated as Kate's hand floated purposefully over Caroline's breast….her stomach…her thighs….enthralled by the sensual curves and silky skin. Caroline then let her legs be eased apart. Kate's hand rested there between them, keeping still, agonisingly still, until she felt Caroline start to stir against it. She slipped first one then another slender finger into the slickness elicited by Caroline's arousal and revelled in the response of her lover's quickening pulse and breathy sighs as she set up a rhythm which Caroline's hips, almost at once, began to match….slow and hypnotic to start with but soon she felt Caroline working hard against her hand, the motion ever quickening. Kate dipped her two fingers inside while her thumb circled, with growing pressure and speed, the firm, fleshy pearl of her lover's centre. Her hips bucked and Kate felt Caroline's teeth graze her lips and her hot tongue flash in her mouth, the rapture rising until it became a delicious blur of touch, movement, pressure and insistence. As Caroline began to tense and strain Kate increased her rhythm further until she collected the full force of her partner's final, climactic shudder in her hand and captured her stifled cries in a kiss.

With her own pleasure sated, Caroline moved almost immediately to return the favour as she rolled onto her side, at the same time motioning Kate onto her back, and playing a hand under her shirt and along the dark skin of Kate's bare torso towards her breasts. Almost to the brink already, Kate gripped Caroline's wrist and led her hand to between her legs, guiding her fingers into the ample wetness.

"See what you do to me?" she said in a low, ragged whisper.

Before Caroline could reply a loud, woeful howl erupted from the nursery. Reluctantly, Caroline went to remove her hand so she could tend to her daughter's needs but Kate's own hand quickly clamped over the top holding it firmly in place.

"Let's give her a moment…..she might go back to sleep," Kate suggested hopefully.

However, it wasn't to be and as each mother listened anxiously to their daughter's cries the moment of passion steadily waned.

"I'll go see to her," Caroline offered, "you can stay and…um…you know…. 'finish off business'."

"You're not going to get out of it that easily, Caroline McKenzie-Dawson," Kate laughed, "you owe me. I'll go see to her….. You've got work tomorrow…. Get some sleep."

With that, Kate slipped from between the sheets, composed herself, attempting to shake off the lust and went to see to her daughter.

"Sorry," Caroline smiled apologetically on Flora's behalf as she watched Kate pad off towards the next room.

A quick nappy change later, Kate returned to the bedroom carrying a more content Flora in her arms. She plumped up her pillows and sat propped up on the bed nursing her, admiring yet again the life she had miraculously managed to bring into the world. Caroline, who hadn't quite drifted off, snuggled in closer to her wife and child and gently rested an arm across Kate's hips. Eyelids soon became heavy until eventually both Caroline and Flora were fast asleep.

oooOooo

Caroline gave one final call out to Lawrence to get a move on unless he planned to walk to school that morning as she tossed her £800 'Mulberry' leather satchel and a small stack of files that she had intended to read and action but hadn't quite got to…a beautiful wife and daughter can be so distracting at times…onto the untidy backseat of the Vauxhall that was littered with automobile magazines, a couple of spanners, wrenches and a rubber mallet, several 'dead' spark plugs, a random sock and what looked like a rancid orange. With only one more day until she had her Jeep back Caroline had fought the compulsion to clean it out. Both she and Kate had overslept as had their usual tiny, human alarm and now she would be late for work if she didn't hurry.

As Lawrence hurtled out the door, down the steps and towards the car, still struggling to get an arm into his jacket and keep hold of his schoolbag, Caroline turned the key in the ignition. Lawrence momentarily disappeared in the billow of oily smoke that belched from the Vauxhall's exhaust as the engine kicked into life.

Once her son was in the car and the smoke cloud had cleared, Caroline reversed, none too carefully, down the driveway and out onto the street.

While she concentrated on the road ahead, Lawrence turned his attention to experimenting with the various knobs on the radio as he searched for a suitable radio station, something he knew jarred his mother's already frayed nerves but he couldn't help himself. Suddenly a sonic boom exploded from the rear speakers possibly splitting every atom in their respective bodies as Lawrence inadvertently turned the volume knob to 'FULL'. Startled by the sudden blast of sound, Caroline veered off the bitumen narrowly avoided putting the car into a roadside ditch and just averting the collection of an advisory 'Drive Carefully' sign on the way.

Hurriedly, Lawrence found the volume knob and switched the disturbance off altogether although the ringing in their ears continued well after the noise had ceased. The glare Caroline gave her son could have been used to strip paint from walls. Other than a mouthed 'sorry' from Lawrence, there was absolute silence for the remainder of the drive.

Caroline had only been in her office long enough to turn on her computer and enter her password when there was a cursory rap on the door immediately followed by the entrance of her assistant, Beverley, who seemed unusually excited.

"Morning, Beverley."

After her habitual, 'Good morning,' Beverley took a second to refer to Caroline's diary that she organised for her and got straight down to business.

"You've got a meeting with the architects today at ten and a phone conference with the directors at 11:30am. Then there's a meeting with the student council at second break and Giles would like you to get back to him sometime today about the invitation to be keynote speaker at this year's Educators' Conference….oh, and this is interesting…. I contacted the security company like you asked and they've just phoned to say that they checked Monday's footage from the CCTV and have emailed you some images you might be interested in."

"Right…Good…As soon as I take care of a couple of other jobs I'll take a look."

Beverley barely disguised her disappointment that Caroline wasn't more curious about discovering who the perpetrators were and wasn't going to look into it immediately.

Realising that there was no point hanging around, Beverley asked, "A cup of tea then?"

"Yes, please…..Oh and thank you for getting onto that security matter so swiftly, Beverley," she added as her slightly miffed assistant turned to leave.

Caroline wasn't sure she really wanted to know which one of the students at Sulgrave Heath thought it was appropriate…funny even….to put such derogatory remarks up on public display to try and humiliate her and she was even less sure as to how to effectively deal with such ignorance and bigotry. How did one undo what was probably an instilled attitude? Generally she was good at dealing with problems that arose with the students but perhaps this one was just a bit too close to home and too deeply etched in society for her to right. After all, even she had had to deal with a certain amount of personal homophobia as she came to terms with the depth and nature of her feelings for Kate so rife was the prejudice and so great the pressure for acceptance. Nonetheless, she would deal with the matter but she needed time to think about a suitable course of action.

There was one decision concerning the matter that she had made, however. She was going to look into professional development courses on offer for her staff so that they would feel confident in dealing with homophobia and bullying effectively as and when it arose. Caroline was determined that nobody but nobody at her school, either staff or student, would be victim of such mindless behaviour.

It wasn't until after her phone conference with the members of the Board of Directors that Caroline finally made the time to open the email with the incriminating images attached. There were at least a dozen photos grabbed from the recorded video. Some were grainy and unfocussed or the angle wasn't good but others were clear and they left no doubt in her mind as to who was responsible.

Caroline picked up the phone to the outer office.

"Beverley, can you ring the parents of Sebastian Dickson and Angus McIvoy please and have them come in to see me at their earliest convenience. Tell them that the matter is quite urgent."

oooOooo

Happy to put her rather torrid first week back at work behind her with its issues and demands, not least of which was today's conversation with the parents of both Seb Dickson and Lawrence's best friend, Angus, Caroline drove to the panel shop to collect her car.

After a close inspection of the work that had been done, she more than cheerfully exchanged the keys to the Vauxhall for the ones to her Jeep Cherokee and headed home. She was looking forward to the freedom of the weekend although it too wasn't without its demands on her time and emotions. John was coming over the next morning to collect Lawrence which she wasn't thrilled about nor was she entirely convinced she had made the right decision letting her son live with his scatty father but she could see no other way. Only time would tell she supposed. There were also the other matters she had promised she would address with her ex-husband including the fact that he was now, well and truly, exactly that, an _ex-husband_ and that he was no longer welcome to drop in at the house at his whim and fancy. However, Caroline put these notions aside in favour of the far more pleasant thought of spending time with Kate and Flora. They hadn't made any particular plans but time together was always special and precious.

Possibly because he was feeling some guilt at abandoning his mother in preference for living with his dad or maybe he was just in a generous mood…Who can tell with teenagers?... after dinner Lawrence volunteered to clear away the dishes and stack the dishwasher. Once Caroline overcame her initial shock she was more than happy to take him up on the offer so while he buzzed between the kitchen and dining room with the used cutlery and crockery, the two women took their respective glasses of red wine and their daughter into the living room. Flora was content to lie in her swing seat while Kate and Caroline lounged out along the length of the sofa tucked in close as they often did at this time of the evening.

"How did your meeting with Seb Dickson's and Angus' parents go today?" Kate asked, curious to know how Caroline had eventually handled the situation.

"Seb's parents were quite mortified by their son's homophobic behaviour…..turns out that Seb's uncle…his mum's brother, Graham…is gay and she is very close to him but they'd never discussed it with Seb. They gave Seb quite a dressing down on the issue right there in my office and made it very clear that they did not approve of what he had done."

"That must have been a relief for you," Kate replied, "sometimes you don't know how much support you're going to get from parents on these issues."

"It was a relief but I've still given him a five day suspension and during that time he's to research and write a three thousand word report on the contribution of gay men and women to The Arts in the UK…..that should keep him focussed and out of trouble and who knows, he may learn some appreciation. His parents also offered to pay for the damage but I told them that it was covered by insurance and suggested they donate some money to an LGBT cause instead."

Kate reached up for her wife's lips and gave her a brief but tender kiss. "What a wonderful suggestion. What about Angus' parents?"

"Because Angus wasn't involved in causing any of the damage….he was more of a curious onlooker as you can see in a number of the photos where he's simply standing off in the background watching, I haven't suspended him but I made it very clear to him that by not telling anyone and letting Seb's actions go unreported he was in a sense condoning what Seb had done and nothing in the world would ever change for the better if people watched on in silence and did nothing. I think he understood but most of all I think he and his parents were relieved that he wasn't suspended."

"Does Lawrence know about Angus?" Kate asked.

"I didn't tell him and I don't know if Angus has….if so, he hasn't mentioned it to me."

At that moment Lawrence popped his head around the doorway.

"I'm finished the dishes….I'm off upstairs to finish packing."

"Thank you, Lawrence," Caroline replied quietly and then added more lightly as she was determined to be brave about it all, "Don't forget to pack in some clothes and underwear and not just your comics and football magazines."

As Lawrence dashed up the stairs Caroline made to get up.

Looking puzzled Kate asked, "Where are you going?"

"To restack the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen," Caroline answered.

"No, you're not. Leave it."

"He'll have made an awful mess and the dishes will be stacked in the wrong place."

Kate knew the argument to keep Caroline there on the sofa while her kitchen was anything other than pristine and orderly was a lost battle so she conceded defeat.

"Alright….while you do that I'm going to bath Flora and put her to bed. I'll see you upstairs….Don't be too long….you owe me, remember."

She left Caroline with a sultry look that ensured that her wife wouldn't dally in the kitchen any longer than absolutely necessary.

oooOooo

Saturday morning Caroline woke early to the steady pattering of rain. An overcast sky kept the room dark and cosy. Beside her lay her wife still soundly sleeping, the calm, peaceful expression on her beautiful face was enough to melt Caroline's heart and once again remind her how fortunate she was to have this woman in her life.

Despite the weather being perfect for it Caroline was unable to sleep anymore so she decided to sneak into the nursery and tend to Flora before their daughter started making her demands heard thus allowing Kate a well-deserved lie in. However, just as she crept from the bed a series of almighty thuds followed by an emphatic "Bugger!" and, a few seconds later, loud baby cries put pay to that idea as the peace was now shattered and Kate awoke with a start.

"What's all the noise?" she asked sleepily but there was no one to answer as Caroline had already dashed from the room to check out the disturbance and to comfort their daughter.

Caroline collected Flora from her cot and carried her with her as she went to investigate the ruckus. She found Lawrence at the top of the staircase beside his room looking down forlornly to where his suitcase lay sprawled open at the bottom of the stairs with its contents scattered far and wide.

"What happened?" she asked.

"The suitcase was too heavy to carry so I thought if I slid it down…..but it kind of went out of control," Lawrence explained obviously disappointed that his plan had failed and now he would have to repack everything.

"You don't have to take all of your things right away, you know," Caroline said quietly as she tried to disguise the hurt she was feeling as Lawrence seemed to want to move out of her life entirely and a little too quickly. "I do expect you to come and visit….and stay….from time to time. Why don't you take some things now and if it works out with your dad you can come back and get the rest?"

Seemingly oblivious to his mother's pain, Lawrence replied, "No….Best to get it all done in one trip I think…and besides, it will be fine living with dad….stop worrying."

Kate had come out of the bedroom to check what all the commotion was about and where everyone was. On seeing Caroline talking to Lawrence on the landing outside his room, she had held back and listened. Even though Caroline had done her best to hide it, Kate knew how upset she was about her son leaving and her heart ached to hear Lawrence being so insensitive to his mother about the whole matter. Maybe if Caroline was honest with Lawrence and told him how she felt he might be a little more caring, Kate thought, but that just wasn't the 'Caroline' way…one always needs to put on a brave face no matter if, on the inside, your heart is breaking. Kate couldn't help feeling some personal guilt also for, in spite of copious reassurances from her wife, she couldn't rid herself completely of the sense that perhaps Lawrence wanted to leave so badly because of her and Flora. She desperately hoped that this wouldn't eventually work as a wedge prying their relationship apart.

Grey, gloomy clouds continued to loom over Harrogate for the entire morning and the constant fall of rain maintained a steady beat on the window panes and roof. Like the weather, the mood inside was subdued. In an effort to distract herself, Caroline sat in her study attempting to concentrate on some work she wanted to get out of the way. Kate was in the living room. She had been in attending to Flora who was now asleep so she had taken the opportunity to catch up on her reading. Only Lawrence paced about restlessly, checking the driveway every ten minutes or so for any sign of his father.

By midday, when John hadn't shown up despite several unanswered text messages from his son, Caroline phoned him.

Just as she too was about to give up, John finally answered with a cheery and ever hopeful, "Hello Caroline."

"John….Have you forgotten something?" she asked tersely, dampening his jovial spirits.

"No…I don't think so….Have I?" he replied with sudden uncertainty.

Caroline looked over at Kate and gave a dramatic eye roll. John never failed to disappoint her lately.

"Think harder, John."

There was a moment of studious silence as John racked his brain as to what he could have possibly forgotten. Suddenly it struck him.

"Oh! Lawrence!" he realised out loud. "Yes…right….I didn't forget as such…"

"Right," Caroline answered, her tone telegraphing her skepticism.

"I've been busy….caught up with things…I'm actually on my way over now…"

Caroline could hear the rattle of his car keys as he took them from his pocket.

Before she had to listen to anymore of his rubbish Caroline finished with, "We'll expect to see you soon then," and ended the call.

Seeing his mother on the phone, Lawrence asked, "Was that dad? Is he coming?"

"He's been held up," Caroline replied, struggling to keep the annoyance out of her voice, "but he's on his way now."

Caroline wasn't sure why she hadn't told Lawrence the truth that his father had forgotten him. Come to think of it, she had been lying or covering for John for as long as she could remember when it came to the boys. Maybe she didn't want them to be as disappointed in him as she was or perhaps she blamed herself for marrying and having children to a man she hadn't ever really loved.

Although William had seen through it all and knew his father for who he really was, Lawrence had remained oblivious to all of John's failings and faults, however, Caroline thought, he was about to find out for himself.

It was almost another half an hour before John pulled into 46 Conway Drive. Lawrence, who had been on constant watch since the phone call, opened the door as his dad made a dash through the rain and into the hallway where he stood dripping and bedraggled.

"Hi, Lawrence…Sorry I'm late….I was caught up….Is this all your stuff?" John asked as he noticed the two suitcases and the several boxes stuffed with possessions that surrounded him.

"Yep," Lawrence answered simply not noticing the look of near panic on his father's face.

"Do you need all of this?"

On hearing John's voice, Caroline made her way into the hallway too.

"Can I have a word with you, please?" she asked in a tone that made the question sound more like the instruction it was. "Lawrence, put your things in the car while I talk to your father."

She then led the way towards her study with John in tow.

"What?" he asked tentatively.

"Just a couple of matters I need to address with you," Caroline began in her frighteningly calm but firm manner which immediately had John breaking out into a cold sweat. "First of all, I want to make it very clear in your mind that I am no longer your wife….I am your _ex-_wife…..I am Kate's wife and always will be….Do you fully and completely understand that?"

"Of course," John replied, daring to give her a nervous smile which only served to up Caroline's ire.

"John, I am a lesbian….I like sleeping with other women….I always did….it wouldn't matter if you were the last living creature on Earth….I would not touch you let alone sleep with you…so you need to stop calling me your 'wife' especially in front of Kate who I actually _am _married to. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"

"Alright but I …."

"And secondly, this is not your house….Kate and I bought you out. Remember? So there will be no more unannounced visits. If you need to come here for any reason other than to pick up or drop off Lawrence, you call first….even then, you call first. Now is there anything I need to repeat more slowly?"

"Right….Whatever…. Is that all? Can I go now, Miss?" John asked sarcastically playing the part of the naughty schoolboy being dressed down by the Head Teacher.

"Actually, no, it's not," Caroline continued, ignoring his childish antics, "You are to take care of Lawrence. Try and be responsible for once in your life because he's back here if you're not."

Those final words said, Caroline marched out of the study and back into the hallway to see how Lawrence was progressing.

The suitcases were jammed in the boot and the last box had been put in the back seat. With a final hug, a kiss to each damp cheek and a promise extracted to call and visit regularly, Caroline let her son go. She managed to hold back the flood of tears that had been threatening to fall for days until the car was reversing out the drive and the closed door was between them.

oooOooo

The plan had been to set off quite early Sunday morning for Halifax, talk to Gillian and be home by lunch time but, as usual, when small children are involved, things didn't quite run to schedule and it was nearly ten o'clock before Caroline turned onto the track that led up to the farm.

To her great dismay, Caroline parked her Jeep beside John's car.

"_What the hell was he doing here?" she wondered, although she strongly suspected that she already knew the answer._

As Caroline made her way up to the house a very disgruntled John… head down and hands thrust deep in his pockets… marched out of the door and in the direction of his car. Caroline acknowledged him with a friendly "Morning, John" as he passed her. His response was an irritated sneer.

"Where's Lawrence?" she inquired.

"Angus'," he replied reluctantly as he got in the car and slammed the door.

Caroline joined Gillian on the steps where they both watched in amusement as John drove off in a huff.

"What's he doing here?" she asked.

"I'm not entirely sure to be honest….He turned up out of the blue earlier this morning blithering on about something…."

"You and he didn't….you know….?"

"No…no…God no….Shit….I told him he had to stop dropping in like this and that since me and Robbie are getting married he couldn't just keep turning up here."

A small grin played on Caroline's lips. "He's not having much luck at the moment."

Gillian led the way inside to the kitchen where she proceeded to make them each a cup of tea.

"What do you mean?" Gillian asked as she reached for some mugs.

"Well, he's been turning up randomly at my house asking for me for no particular reason that anyone can gather….Kate became fed up the last time and gave him short shrift."

"But you're a lesb….you're married…why would he even bother?"

Caroline pulled out a chair and sat down while the Gillian poured the tea.

"He doesn't get it….he thinks it's a phase or something and that he's still in with a chance…I don't know….and then when he has no luck with me he comes running to you."

"Oh fine….send me your sloppy seconds." Gillian joked as she placed a mug of her strong brew in front of Caroline.

"The man's incorrigible," Caroline said with an exasperated sigh.

oooOooo

A sharp tap on the glass alerted Kate to Celia standing by the window signalling to be let in. She finished securing Flora into her swing seat and then opened the door.

"Morning, Celia. Would you like a cup of tea?" Kate offered.

"That would be wonderful, love," Celia replied as she wandered into the living room in search of her grand-daughter. "I didn't see the Jeep out front so I take it Caroline's off gallivanting across the countryside," Celia mentioned in passing as Kate joined her, a mug of sweet tea in each hand.

"She's gone to visit Gillian….something to do with Gillian and Robbie getting married…"

Kate suddenly stopped there as she realised that maybe she was talking out of turn.

"Gillian and Robbie? First I've heard of it," Celia replied with surprise.

"I'm not sure if I've got the story right," Kate stated as she desperately tried to back pedal, "Gillian rang quite late last night and spoke to Caroline….it was all very Secret Squirrel." Thinking that a change of topic might be the best manoeuvre, Kate then asked, "Where's Alan?"

Celia gave a huge sigh and a shake of her head. "He's gone to another one of those blasted football matches….He couldn't get out of it. Gary insisted he went. I told him there was no way I was going…Do you mind if we set up the Scrabble?...Do you have time?"

"Sure," Kate agreed, "Flora seems content for now and Caroline won't be home for another hour or so."

Celia retrieved the tattered box from the shelf under the coffee table. The game had been given to Caroline as a Christmas present when she was twelve and like most things Caroline loved, it had been cherished and well-cared for and although the box had seen better days, the rest of the game was in immaculate condition.

Both women made themselves comfortable as Celia cleared a spot on the coffee table for the board and picked out her tiles from the bag before handing it to Kate.

As they both contemplated possible words from the letters on their rack Celia said casually, "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

Kate, who was caught up in thought in an effort to come up with a word with five vowels and a K and a J, replied, "No….go ahead."

Celia hesitated a moment and then asked, "How did you know you were a lesbian?"

Kate looked up in surprise.

"_Oh, it's going to be one of __**those**__ games of Scrabble," she thought to herself._


	5. Chapter 5

**_"A Gift of Life"_**

**_Chapter 5_**

"Pass."

"Sorry, love. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I'm just trying to understand, that's all. We can discuss something else if you like….."

"No, Celia," Kate laughed, "I'm passing on my turn….I can't make anything with this lot of letters."

She tossed five of her seven tiles back into the bag and dipped in for some alternatives, hoping for a more useful selection.

"How did you know you were straight?" she asked Celia as she did so.

While Kate waited for an answer she arranged and re-arranged her new tiles on the rack.

Celia placed her tiles on the board across from the centre star to make the word OWL and then totalled her score which she recorded on the notebook that was kept in the box.

"Oh….I don't know….I've never thought about it…I just knew, I guess. It was what felt right…I was only ever interested in boys…..It didn't even occur to me to be interested in girls."

"Exactly," Kate replied.

Celia looked over at Kate, her brow creased in question. "What do you mean?"

"It's exactly the same with being a lesbian…being attracted to girls…It's what feels right….natural…for us…me...Caroline."

"But weren't you married to 'whathisname'….Richard?" Celia stated, quite befuddled by the contradiction.

"It wasn't exactly the 'done' thing back then, was it….being gay? And like all but the bravest of the time I tried to fight the feelings I had for various girls at school then at university. I might be open about who I am now but I wasn't always, especially in the beginning."

"So how did you know you were a lesbian if you hadn't had ….hadn't been with a girl?' Celia asked feeling even less enlightened now than when she had started the conversation.

"I said I _tried_ to fight it….I didn't say I succeeded," Kate replied with a rather cheeky smile as she recalled falling in love with a girl for the first time and those first few innocent fumbles.

"So you did have friends who were girls….who were more than friends…who were _special _friends?"

After some thought Kate placed her tiles, one by one, onto the board, the letter H building down from Celia's OWL….H,O,N,E,S,T,Y…HONESTY. She quickly tallied her score, 25 points for the two new words and a 50 point bonus for using all seven letters.

"That's 75 points," she announced triumphantly.

"What? Oh, yes." Celia brought her mind back to the game and recorded Kate's score.

"There were one or two girls I felt strongly enough about to have sex with them," Kate answered bluntly, secretly hoping in part to shock Celia, "but it was all very clandestine."

To her disappointment, Celia showed no signs of surprise other than to realise that it was now her turn. She pondered her letters for a few moments, shuffling them back and forth until a word formed which she placed on the board. Starting with the S onto the end of what was now HOWL, she built her word downwards from there…S,H,A,M,E…..SHAME on a double word ….and added a decent 31 points to her score.

Intent on continuing her apparent fact-finding mission, Celia asked, "How did you end up with your husband if you were a so-called lesbian?"

Kate scanned the board thoughtfully hoping to find a place for her Q and U. As she searched she considered how much of her past she was willing to reveal to Celia.

"I'd been in a fairly serious relationship with a woman from my university for the better part of a year….I was in love with her or so thought at the time….and then she….we broke up and I swore off women for the time being. That's when I met Richard who I liked well enough and he liked me. We went out for a while and then he asked me to marry him."

Kate tossed up whether to use her Q or not….Did she use it now while the opportunity was there or save it for later and possibly score more points but also run the risk of being stuck with it at the end?

" I had planned on having children at some stage so I said 'yes'….I thought I would eventually learn to love him but, of course, it didn't happen. I think being married to Richard is what confirmed the fact in my mind that I was a lesbian. I should have loved him, he was a kind, caring man….even though my mother didn't think much of him but only because he wasn't an academic….and I _did_ love him in a way but certainly not in the way that I imagined a married couple loved each other and definitely not in the way that I love Caroline."

Spying the perfect spot, Kate picked up four of her letters, including the Q and the U and placed them on the board running horizontally from the E on Celia's SHAME…..E,Q,U,A,L….EQUAL on a double word score.

"That's 30 points," she informed Celia who begrudgingly added it to Kate's other points while noticing that she was being well and truly beaten at this stage. It was time to up the ante.

oooOooo

Having decided that they had shilly-shallied around for long enough, Gillian asked, "So, Caroline, is this just a social call or is there something more pressing on your mind?"

"No…well, yes, actually there is," Caroline admitted tentatively. Now that she was here she was a little uncertain as to how to broach the subject she had been desperate to discuss.

"Come on then…Spit it out…What's up? What is it?"

Gillian knew perfectly well that Caroline wouldn't have left Kate and Flora behind on a Sunday morning and driven all the way to Halifax for a mere chin wag and the pleasure of her company. She could also hazard a guess as to what was playing on Caroline's mind.

"After last night's phone conversation…you know…where you told me Robbie had asked you to marry him…and you said 'yes'…."

_"Oh, here we go…'Miss I've-Got-to-Interfere-in-Everyone's-Happiness,"_ Gillian thought to herself as she nodded her head to show she was listening and that Caroline had the facts right so far.

"I can't help thinking," Caroline continued, twisting her own recently-acquired wedding ring anxiously around her finger as she searched for the words that would express her misgivings without upsetting Gillian too much and without sounding like a snotty bitch, "maybe you haven't given this whole marriage thing enough thought."

"I like Robbie….I've always liked Robbie," Gillian claimed defensively, "and he likes me….he loves me and besides, he's good for me…he stops me from being such a pillock."

Gillian doubted that Caroline would understand her almost overwhelming need to have someone in her life to reassure her that she was special and that she was loved.

"Okay…I understand but you were the one…that night when we were telling each other things…you were the one who suggested that it would never be a good idea, you and Robbie together….and then you told me why….Remember?"

Gillian concentrated for a moment on a chip on the handle of her mug, her fingers feeling the rough surface beside the smooth, as she contemplated what Caroline had said. It was true. She had said those words and despite her high level of inebriation by that stage of that particular evening, they were probably accurate but was it really too much to ask that just for once in her life she could be loved by someone?….Loved regardless of the fact that she could be somewhat of a challenge at times, for that was what Robbie was offering? He knew her faults and failings and yet he still wanted to marry her…spend the rest of his life with her.

"Alright, yes. I remember…some of it…most of it…but I was very drunk that night so I wasn't making a whole lot of sense…..I want to marry him, Caroline."

A frustrated sigh escaped as Caroline ran a hand through her hair, a gesture she used when she was nearing her wit's end. She found herself at a complete loss as to what to say to make Gillian see sense.

"Right….well, I guess if you can live with it then that's your business," Caroline eventually said, "Can you live with it?

"What?"

"Can you live with someone, sleep with someone knowing you murdered his brother? I don't think I could. I think it's something I would avoid at all cost."

Gillian took a long sip of her tea as she tried to recover from Caroline's rather biting words.

"I told you things that night that I probably, in hindsight, shouldn't have. I stuffed up but I just needed to confide in someone…..lighten the load I had been carrying alone for so long and you were there and we'd had so much to drink….What is it they say about loose lips?"

"That's my whole point," Caroline declared, her tone echoing her growing irritation. "What if one day you decide that you have to tell Robbie? Trust me, it's not easy keeping secrets….lying….to your partner."

"I won't ….I would never tell him, Caroline, I promise."

"How do I know that for sure?... How do I know you won't get drunk and decide to blurt it all out to him?... How can you guarantee that?"

Caroline's voice began to falter. As much as she wanted to support Gillian because, in truth, there were times when she felt she loved her….then, of course, there were the other times when she thought she was a complete plonker….but she hadn't chosen to be a part of this mess and she desperately wished she could turn back the clock to when she didn't know about what had really happened and leave it at that.

Gillian dropped her attention back to the chip on the mug.

"I guess you don't know for sure," Gillian replied in a whisper. "Maybe I should give up drinking and then I won't behave like such a twat and say things….things I don't mean to say."

Caroline spluttered as she tried to hold back a laugh. "Like that's going to happen."

Gillian's face acquired a small smile too, acknowledging that Caroline probably was right to doubt her commitment on that point.

"Look, you do what you want to do….what you think is right," Caroline said more kindly, "but on that night we agreed that we were going to pretend that you never told me about the mur… about Eddie…so the reason I'm here is to tell you….to make it perfectly clear to you that should you ever tell Robbie the truth I am going to stick with that agreement and pretend I know absolutely nothing about it. I almost lost Kate once with the accident…I am not prepared to lose her again because I'm stuck in gaol as an accessory to murder….Do you understand that? I am totally prepared to lie and live with that lie."

Gillian nodded. She did understand.

Although she didn't recall all of that night, she did remember the rush of relief that filled her as she revealed her awful secret to Caroline as they sat on the settee, both three sheets to the wind. As clichéd as it sounds, she did feel as though an enormous weight that she had had to bear alone for so long had been lifted from her shoulders. Then there was the sheer terror that hit her in the sobering light of the following morning when she considered the possibility that Caroline might choose to tell the police. Fortunately, she had said she wouldn't go down that route but then there was the realisation that by doing that, Caroline had unwittingly become tied up in the murky mire of deception.

Despite professing otherwise, Gillian's life was full of regrets, a thousand things she would change if she had her time again, this was yet another thing to add to that long list.

"Are you angry with me? Do you hate me?" Gillian asked in a small, almost pitiful voice.

The remorse reflected in Gillian's face instantly served to deflate Caroline's annoyance.

"No, I don't hate you. You told me because you needed to but now I need to forget. We're never going to discuss this subject again. As far as I'm concerned I was never told anything about it."

An uneasy silence fell over the pair. All the words Caroline came to say had been said. Gillian didn't blame Caroline for wanting to pretend she didn't know about Eddie's death but suddenly she was by herself again… that lone, helpless insect caught in the cruel web of humiliation and guilt with no one to rescue her, relying solely on her own wit and strength to survive. The weight settled back uncomfortably on her shoulders.

"Can I ask you something?" Gillian finally said, rupturing the quiet.

Caroline nodded reluctantly. "What?"

"That night…"

"I really don't want to talk about it anymore…"

"No, it's not about Eddie….It's about something you said," Gillian explained. "That night when we were talking, you said you had finally realised how precious your relationship with Kate was…"

"Mmmm…..yes, I did," Caroline replied a little sadly.

"Why didn't you do anything about it? Why didn't you fight to get her back?"

Caroline took a deep breath as she remembered the next day and the crushing blow Kate had delivered.

"I did try one more time," Caroline revealed in a subdued whisper as her voice caught, "the next day I went around to hers and apologised again, promising to try harder and I asked for one more chance…."

"What happened?"

"She very politely refused my offer…'no, thank you' were her words….so there was nothing left for me to do but leave…it appeared she didn't want me."

Caroline turned her attention to a knot on the surface of the wooden table, running her finger over it mindlessly as she struggled with the hot, angry tears that that particular memory always evoked. The anger was aimed at herself for being such a coward. What was it she had said to Kate?..."We had something _nice_ together"…..Really? Was that the best she could do?... 'nice'…It wasn't _nice… _it had been wonderful….precious….enthralling….life affirming…. She had loved her so much even back then. Why hadn't she been able to tell her that?

A flush of embarrassment coloured Caroline's cheeks as she remembered how awkward and ill at ease she had been back then about having feelings like that for another woman.

"But she came back for you at Celia and dad's wedding…"

"Yes," Caroline laughed a little hoarsely as her emotions got the better of her, "apparently, I was worth a second chance after all."

As Caroline drew her attention away from the table and gave a weak smile, Gillian couldn't help but notice the tears threatening to drench those bluer than blue eyes.

"I thought I'd lost her for good but she loved me enough to come back for me….and then there was the accident….so you see why I can't possibly contemplate being apart from her again….and then there's our daughter, Flora….I want to be there for her always."

"I understand, Caroline." Gillian reached across the table for Caroline's hand and held it in her own for a brief moment.

To ease the tension and to prevent a full-on outpouring of tears Caroline moved the conversation to less emotive territory.

"Where's Raff, Ellie and Emily Jane?"

"Ellie's doing a shift at Greenhough's, Raff is working weekends at one of Gary's warehouses and Harry is looking after Calamity until Ellie has finished for the day. It's like they say…it actually does take a whole village to raise a child, especially this one.

Picking up the empty mugs and taking them back to the kitchen bench, Gillian asked, "Would you like another?...Or maybe I could find us something a bit stronger?"

Caroline glanced at her watch and frowned. "It's barely midday!"

"I'm joking," Gillian laughed….and she was for the most part.

"Tea will be fine."

For the next half hour or so the two women fell into their usual, more comfortable chit-chat about anything other than Eddie's murder. They swapped baby anecdotes, Caroline told Gillian about Lawrence moving in with John and shared her apprehensions while Gillian expressed her annoyance with Gary who was sticking his nose into things where it wasn't wanted and putting stupid ideas into Raff's head about not staying at school and completing his A levels.

Caroline drank the final mouthful of her tea and then looked at her watch, a little shocked to see how much time she had let pass. She needed to get back to Harrogate or Kate would start to worry.

"I'd better be going. Kate will be wondering what's happened," Caroline explained as she stood to leave.

With those words, she collected her bag and coat and headed for her Jeep. Gillian accompanied her.

Before she opened the car door Caroline turned to Gillian and wrapped her in a reassuring hug.

"Do whatever you think is right for you and take care," she whispered before kissing Gillian's cheek.

"I will…and don't worry, it will all be fine," Gillian replied although her words didn't exactly set Caroline's mind entirely at rest.

Gillian shook her head in bewilderment as she watched Caroline drive off down the track towards the main road. Sometimes she found herself loving the woman to bits and yet, at other times, she thought she was a complete bitch. Today had been a decided mixture of both.

oooOooo

"But it's not normal is it really….women with women, men with men?" Celia stated, confident in her ignorance, as she put down her next word…..SEXUAL on a triple word score for a respectable 39 points.

If there was anything Celia could have said to infuriate the usually unflappable, passive Kate those very words were the ones. Despite the immediate desire to reach over and shake the bigotry out of the old woman, Kate held her tongue and counted to ten and then some, thinly veiling her incensed silence as deliberations over her next move. Once she had her wrath back under some control Kate unfurled the tight fists her fingers had formed and added an I,T and Y to the end of Celia's word to make SEXUALITY on a triple word for an impressive 57points.

"I find 'normal' to be very over-rated and rather dull," Kate replied in a tone that was much more serious now, reflecting her annoyance at such inane thinking, " and exactly who is it that gets to decide what is and isn't 'normal' anyway? Everyone has their own version of 'normal' based on their own experiences of life….my idea of 'normal', Celia, is different to your idea of 'normal'….Caroline once told me that she thought it was 'normal' for a married couple not to talk to each other unless it was absolutely necessary because that was her experience when she was growing up…..'normal' is a very subjective concept."

"What's she doing talking to you about those sorts of things?" Celia spluttered, ignoring Kate's argument. It always upset her to know her dirty laundry was being aired.

"She's my partner…my wife…we talk about things although she told me that a long time ago now but it doesn't matter when it happened, the point is that we all have our own variation of 'normal' although, for some unknown reason, straight people seem to think that they are superior and are the ones who should set the standard. Everyone should just accept that love is love and acknowledge that we get to love each other best one essence to another, gender notwithstanding."

Momentarily at a loss for words as she reflected bitterly on that part of her life she had wasted with her philandering husband….the years that she had sacrificed for the sake of appearance and pride….years that were impossible to reclaim, Celia dithered with her tiles, unsure which ones to use and where to put them until she finally settled on DECEIVE for 26 points.

Looking at the score, Celia could see she was losing ground. She desperately needed a big score to catch up.

"What would you do if Flora decided she was a lesbian?'

"I'd be happy for her…over the moon," Kate replied instantly and honestly, "and I'd want her to know she could be herself without ever having to consider disguising it. I don't want her having to waste part of her life, like Caroline and I did, attempting to come to terms with the way the outside world perceives those who dare to vary from the usual and familiar path until finally realising that it is the racists and bigots with the problem and not us…not her."

"But her life will be so much harder if she's a lesbian as well as being of col….." Celia's words trailed off but Kate still heard them, however, she chose to ignore them for now….She'd deal with one prejudice at a time.

"Only if this homophobic culture is allowed to continue. If we're ever going to change it we need to come out of the shadows and make ourselves visible. If Flora is a lesbian then I want her to see it as a gift to be opened and explored rather than something she needs to hide. Life as an open lesbian can be hard but it is harder still if you are always trying to hide who you really are from those you care about….friends…family. Heterosexuality is common, Celia, but it isn't compulsory."

The next dozen or so turns were played out in thoughtful silence as each woman carefully considered their moves, neither not wanting to concede ground to the other.

"I guess I just don't understand the attraction to other women," Celia finally persisted as she added a B, I and an A to an available S make BIAS. The board was filling up and letters were running low.

"And if you're straight, you probably never will and that's not what you need to understand anyway….what you do need to understand and appreciate is that everyone is different and we need to celebrate that rather than condemn those who aren't in the majority. We need to stop perpetuating this discrimination that makes so many lives unnecessarily miserable," Kate explained patiently, her tide of anger gradually ebbing. She almost felt sorry for Celia and those like her, for their prejudices blinkered them from experiencing the absolute joy of diversity.

"Oh, I'm definitely not a lesbian," Celia stated confidently.

"I don't think you should knock something until you've tried it, Celia," Kate replied defiantly but with a cheeky smile in an attempt to lighten the mood.

With a smile of her own similar to that of a snake entering a hen house, Celia picked up all seven tiles and placed them on the board….MONKEYS on a triple word….110 points!

"I don't know about that, love. I've never tried shooting myself in the foot but I'm fairly certain I wouldn't like it," Celia retorted with a gloat.

It always felt like she made two steps forward and one step back with Celia, Kate thought as she looked down at the board for a place for her two remaining tiles. She let out a long sigh of exasperation as she placed the letters P and A in the only available spot to make the word PAL…6 points. She'd given it her best shot but she wasn't sure it had been enough.

While Celia busied herself totalling the scores Kate caught sight of the front of the Jeep through the room's large window as Caroline pulled into the driveway.

_"Good," Kate thought to herself, "reinforcements have arrived and not a moment too soon."_

A few minutes later she heard the clatter of the car keys being tossed into the bowl on the hallway table and the clip of the heels of Caroline's boots on the wooden floor. It wasn't long before Caroline, herself, joined them in the living room.

She greeted both Kate and her mother with a kiss on the cheek before sidling up on the lounge beside her wife.

"I missed you," she said softly before placing an extra kiss on her Kate's lips.

Kate rewarded her with a wonderful smile which never failed to send Caroline's heart soaring into the stratosphere.

"How's Gillian?" Kate inquired.

"She's fine….a bit fed up with Gary interfering in their life but apart from that she's good."

"Are she and Robbie really getting married?" Celia piped up from the ridges.

Caroline shot Kate a quick glance that asked, _"Did you tell her?"_

Kate gave an almost imperceptible nod and mouthed a 'sorry'.

"It would seem that way but you never really know with Gillian, do you," Caroline replied without giving too much away.

Not wanting to discuss Gillian and Robbie any further at this stage, Caroline diverted the conversation.

"Where's Flora?'

On cue, small cries which threatened to rapidly turn into much louder ones began to emanate from the swing seat where Flora had been sleeping contentedly up until now. All three women made moves to see to her, however, Celia got there first.

"I'll take her if you like. She's probably due for a nappy change and a cuddle from her grandmother."

Both Kate and Caroline slipped each other an amused, sidelong glance at Celia's use of the word 'grandmother'. Things were definitely progressing, Caroline dared to think.

As Celia tottered off with Flora in her arms towards where the nappies were kept, conversing with her grandchild all the way, Caroline looked down at the scrabble board with its myriad of words and, with a certain amount of trepidation for she knew how intense their games could get, she asked, "Did you win?"

"I don't know," Kate replied, "I thought I was winning there for a while but in the end I'm not sure."

Caroline cupped her wife's face in her hands and turned her blue eyes to Kate's brown expressing her complete understanding of Kate's confusion as she often felt the same after prolonged periods in Celia's presence. Then she did the most normal of things for two people truly in love, she drew their lips together in the most affectionate and tender of kisses.

oooOooo

"What's wrong?" Kate asked as she watched Caroline flit busily from the stove to the refrigerator and then back to the stove where she gingerly tasted the contents of a pot, took a moment to consider and then added some more of something else, stirred and taste-tested again, all the while with a frown pressed on her face.

"Nothing…I'm fine," she replied uncertainly, "why do you ask?"

"You're hopping around the kitchen like a cat on a hot tin roof and looking as though your life depends on this meal….You're not nervous are you?"

"No…well, maybe just a little," Caroline confessed.

Bemused by all the fuss, Kate replied, "Why would you be nervous? It's only Lawrence and his girlfriend coming to dinner not the Queen or have we invited her too and nobody thought to tell me? Do I need to go and dress up?"

Caroline gave her wife a playful glare, knowing full well that Kate was enjoying teasing her just a little too much.

"She might as well be coming for all the trouble I'm going to….but no, it's only Lawrence and his girlfriend."

Baffled at times by how easily the super-efficient and well-organised Dr McKenzie-Dawson could be unnerved by what seemed like much less daunting tasks than running a prestigious school, Kate couldn't help an amused chuckle.

"Don't make fun of me," Caroline begged, feigning hurt feelings, "All I want to do is make a good impression for Lawrence's sake…It will be awkward enough for him having to introduce his lesbian mum and her partner so I would like everything else to be perfect."

Kate's expression became more serious as she moved in on her wife and wrapped her in a loose embrace.

"It will be perfect," Kate assured her in an earnest whisper, "you're perfect." Kate placed a light kiss on Caroline's forehead, tasting the saltiness of the fine sheen of perspiration that had built up there from slaving over a hot stove and from her anxiety. "We're perfect….so stop worrying, Lawrence will survive."

For the first few weeks after Lawrence had moved in with his father, Caroline had seen and heard very little from her prodigal son other than the occasional glimpses of him at school and one or two brief phone calls which she suspected John may have encouraged him to make.

Although being set adrift so entirely by her own flesh and blood cut her to the quick, she was determined to wait it out and let Lawrence make the first move. He had to want to see her and speak to her rather than be forced into it which would only succeed in building up resentment.

Gradually, however, as the novelty of living with John wore off and the reality of life with his dad set in, the phone calls to his mum began to come and were soon more frequent and longer followed by what developed into regular visits which eventually turned into the more-than-occasional weekend stay at his mum's house. Bit by bit, Caroline and her son rebuilt and improved their relationship.

Of equal noteworthiness was Lawrence's change of attitude, for the better, towards both Kate and Flora which was an essential ingredient if he and his mother were ever to be fully reconciled. Gone, it seemed, were the snide looks and comments, the prejudices and the blame. Even more surprising was his change of heart towards Flora. Of late he would often choose to have her with him and would voluntarily spend time entertaining her or soothing her when she was disgruntled over something or hurt. Above all, however, there seemed to be a final and genuine acceptance of his mother and Kate as a married couple.

It hadn't been a sudden change but it had happened more quickly than Caroline had expected and she wasn't exactly sure what to attribute it to….Was it just a matter of maturity? Had John said something? She doubted it…but what she was certain of was that no matter the cause she was very grateful. It had been such a long time since they had been so close. For Caroline it felt like another piece of her life's puzzle had fallen into its proper place….now, if only she could get her mother to come onboard.

On the previous Wednesday afternoon, after what had been a long and tedious school day for both of them, Lawrence had ducked up to his mother's office where he found her engaged in a conversation on the phone. Not wanting to interrupt, he was about to turn and leave when Caroline caught his eye, gave him a smile and motioned for him to come in and sit down which he did, making himself comfortable in the chair on the other side of her desk.

Lawrence hadn't been long in his seat when he heard his mother tell the person at the other end of the line that a rather urgent matter had just come up and she would have to go and see to it immediately. Lawrence contrived a look of shock at her obvious lie which she answered with a guilty smile.

"What?" she retorted putting aside her phone, her face slightly colouring at being caught out by her son. "I had to exaggerate the truth or I'd still be on the phone a week from next Tuesday listening to the woman prattle on….You did me a favour…Now, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

It was Lawrence's turn to blush.

"I was wondering if I could come over for dinner on Friday night…."

"Of course you can…that would be wonderful…"

"Would it be alright if I brought ….a friend?" he continued a little hesitantly.

His sudden coyness piqued Caroline's curiosity.

"Sure….Angus?"

"No…"

There was a long pause while Lawrence gathered his courage and hoped like hell his mother wouldn't fuss.

"A girl….my girlfriend….Lily….Lily McHenry-Jones."

Lawrence's cheeks were now flaming a deep shade of red.

Caroline wasn't sure she had successfully hidden her surprise. She was aware that at some stage she would have to deal with this sort of thing with her second son but amidst everything else it had been forgotten.

The name 'Lily McHenry-Jones' rang a bell with Caroline and, after some thought, she was able to match a face to it. The girl was in the same year level as Lawrence at Sulgrave Heath but doing different subjects for the most part. Caroline had had no reason to have to deal with her on an individual basis so that was about her sum total of knowledge of her. Like any mother, she would have dearly liked to have asked Lawrence some questions….How long had they been an item? How did they meet?... but instinct told her that an interrogation would not be well-received so she refrained. Her inquisitiveness could wait until Friday night.

"Of course….Does she have any special dietary requirements? Vegetarian? Allergies? Likes? Dislikes? Just so I know what to serve for dinner," Caroline inquired.

"I don't know….I'm not sure," Lawrence replied, a little thrown that that was the first question that came to his mother's mind, "I'll ask her and let you know…..Dad could drop us off at about 6:30pm."

"That will be fine…perfect."

"Is that all you wanted to know?" Lawrence asked, doubtful that he would get out of it that easily.

To his surprise she nodded and answered, "Yes," and then smiled and added, "for now."

With the arrangements made, Lawrence stood and picked up his schoolbag. Just as he was about to turn to leave there came the loud blast of a horn from the quadrangle outside Caroline's office. Neither of them needed to look out the window to know it was John signalling his growing impatience at having to wait for Lawrence.

"I'd better go," he responded, again colouring with the embarrassment of it all. "I'll see you on Friday night."

oooOooo

The comfort and security she felt from being held in her wife's arms helped to gradually dispel some of Caroline's pent up tension.

"I know I shouldn't be nervous…I know it's ridiculous...I'll stop….Everything is almost ready now anyway…Did you finish setting the table?"

Kate knew that Caroline wouldn't be able to fully relax until everything was completed to her satisfaction and the evening had started.

"It's nearly done," Kate replied, "I just came in to fetch some glasses."

With a final kiss to the tip of her wife's perfect nose, Kate went to the cabinet where the wine glasses were kept while Caroline finished seeing to the meal.

Despite the 6:30pm arrangement, it was almost seven o'clock when Caroline spied the headlights of John's car piercing the dark as they came up the drive. She did a quick double check that all was in place, alerted Kate to the arrival and then went to greet her son and his girlfriend. Before she had reached the door she came across Lawrence in the hallway. He had already let himself and Lily in and was in the process of hanging up their coats.

"Sorry we're late. Dad lost the car keys so we had to look for them," Lawrence explained apologetically.

As he was about to continue on and make the necessary introductions Caroline noticed that John was making his way towards the house too. She quickly excused herself and dashed the remainder of the distance to the door, arriving just in time to block his entry.

"Sorry we're late….misplaced the car keys," John said with a smarmy smile.

"So Lawrence said," Caroline responded in a tone that chilled the air between them.

"Not to worry, these things happen," he replied in an effort to brush the matter of his tardiness aside, "Here's a bottle of wine to have with dinner."

John presented her with a bottle of his favourite Merlot while making another attempt at an endearing smile as he went to enter the house only to find that his path remained blocked.

"Thank you," Caroline said with formal politeness as she accepted the gift. "We'll see you on Sunday at four o'clock then shall we when you come to pick up Lawrence?….Night…..Take care."

With the bottle of wine firmly in her hand, Caroline closed the door, leaving a dejected John no choice other than to slink back to his car and depart.

While Caroline had been making sure that their evening wasn't gatecrashed by her recalcitrant ex-husband Lawrence and Lily had followed the wonderful aroma of the food into the kitchen where they had been joined by Kate who was now nursing Flora. It was obvious that introductions had been done as the small group was now having an animated conversation of which Flora was the centre.

Rather than join them, Caroline remained in the doorway looking on at the happy interaction, the sight filling her with both relief and joy. The face she'd mentally matched with Lily's name had been the right one, she noticed. As she stood beside him Caroline could see that Lily was almost as tall as her son and quite slender although still sufficiently endowed with feminine curves. Long, flowing chestnut hair framed a heart-shaped face of which a broad mouth with full lips and large, hazel eyes were the prominent features. Her olive complexion was quite flawless and bore only a touch of make-up. Caroline thought her quite attractive although not in the conventional manner….there was a rather exotic look about her which was further emphasised by her unique dress sense….definitely someone with a creative eye for fashion and accessorising.

Eventually Caroline quietly slipped into the room, sidled up beside her wife and daughter and before she could help herself, had placed a brief kiss on Kate's mouth. In an attempt not to make things more difficult for Lawrence she had promised herself to keep public displays of affection to a minimum, however, to her relief, the gesture had gone virtually unnoticed by all except Kate who subtly drew the back of her hand along her wife's cheek.

Caroline caught Lawrence's eye and gave him a look that begged for an introduction. In response Lawrence drew their attention away from Flora for the moment by clasping Lily's hand.

"Lily, this, as you already know, is my mum, Caroline….Kate and mum are married as you also probably know…Mum, this is Lily….Lily McHenry-Jones."

With a warm smile that showed off dimples in each cheek, Lily reached out for Caroline's hand and shook it confidently while Caroline tried not to be too astonished at Lawrence's straightforwardness. Not only did her son not flinch at divulging that bit of information, if Caroline wasn't mistaken, she would have gone so far as to say he was rather enthusiastic about it. What was going on, she wondered to herself?

"Congratulations," Lily replied sincerely, "you and Miss McKen…. Kate make a lovely couple….a lovely trio if you add little Flora."

"Thank you," replied Caroline and Kate simultaneously.

"Dinner's ready to be served and will be getting cold if we don't make a move," Caroline then announced, "Lawrence, will you show Lily into the dining room, please."

Although the conversation at the dinner table was a little restrained to start with as everyone tried to make a suitable impression, as the meal progressed inhibitions soon freed up and discussion began to flow easily.

At one point during the meal Lily asked Kate and Caroline about their wedding day. Kate decided to field that question for, despite it being a wonderful day, it had been marred to a certain extent for Caroline because of her mother's failure to put aside her own concerns and attend one of the most important days of her daughter's life. During the discussion it also came to light that Lawrence hadn't been present at the wedding much to Lily's disgust. He sheepishly defended his actions with the excuse that he had to take care of his gran who had had an upset. Not wanting to spoil the evening, Caroline let him get away with that explanation just that once.

In order to veer the discussion in a different direction, Caroline asked Lily what her aspirations were at the end of the school year which was rapidly approaching when, like Lawrence, she would be finished at Sulgrave Heath.

Lily took another mouthful of food and chewed it thoughtfully as she decided on an answer.

"I think I'll probably follow in the footsteps of one of my parents but I'm not sure which one yet," she finally replied. "Sandy is into fashion designing and I really like clothes and designing new outfits. I could go to university and study design but I consider it more of a hobby than a job although it can be very lucrative if you're good enough."

"Lily's very artistic," Lawrence supplied quite proudly.

"But Pat's a mechanic and he's shown me all sorts of things….I love to tinker with engines and the like…he's said that he'll help me if I want to become a mechanic…but I haven't really decided what to do yet."

"Her marks are very good…she's really brainy," Lawrence added enthusiastically and to Lily's considerable embarrassment, "she could do anything she wanted to."

It was quite plain to both Caroline and Kate that Lawrence was totally smitten with the lovely Lily.

Once dinner was finished Lawrence and Lily offered to help clear away the dishes but their offer was refused so they excused themselves and headed for the living room where Lawrence set up the Xbox.

With no particular reason to hurry, Kate and Caroline lingered at the table imbibing the wine compliments of John and carrying on with their own more personal conversation mostly about their two young visitors. Both women agreed that Lily seemed to be very intelligent and sensible and that Lawrence was quite infatuated with her. Could she be the reason for his recent change of heart they each wondered aloud?

It was quite a while later that they finally made a move from the table; Caroline to clear away the dishes and Kate to go and check on Flora who was asleep in her cot.

As Caroline returned to the dining table to collect the final few dishes she noticed yet another set of headlights shining up the driveway.

"That will be my parents," Lily called out from the living room, at the same time not letting herself be distracted from the game as she was in the throes of beating Lawrence once again.

Caroline placed the last of the dirty dishes in the sink, dried her hands and headed for the door. When she opened it she was a bit disconcerted to see two men standing on her steps.

"Oh, hello…..Dr McKenzie-Dawson?" the taller of the two inquired.

"Yes," Caroline replied a little dubiously as both men smiled at her.

"Is Lily here?" the other man asked and then finally noticing Caroline's puzzled expression thought to introduce himself. "I'm Patrick and this is Sandon….Pat and Sandy McHenry-Jones….we're Lily's dads."


	6. Chapter 6

**_"A Gift of Life"_**

**_Chapter 6_**

"Come in…Come in," Caroline finally managed, giving the two men the benefit of a generous smile which she hoped would more than make up for her being caught short for words or, more accurately, left gawping like a fish out of water gasping for air, by her younger son's latest surprise, a girlfriend with same-sex parents. She then stood aside so they could enter.

"I'm Caroline….Lawrence's mum," she said by way of introduction now that she had collected her wits, "and my wife, Kate, should be down in a moment. She's upstairs at present seeing to our baby daughter, Flora."

"Oh, you have a baby girl! How marvellous," the delighted Sandon cooed as he and his partner followed Caroline inside. "I love babies…they're so much fun….aside from the dirty nappies, the sleep deprivation and the crying, that is…it's so wonderful watching them grow and achieve each milestone….their first smile….their first tooth…their first step." He paused for a moment as they reached the living room where Lawrence and Lily were still steeped in competition and then added tentatively, "Their first foray into love."

The clutch of doting parents stood in the living room doorway looking in at their respective offspring, each agreeing that surely it hadn't been that long ago that they were still tucking them into bed and reading them bedtime stories and now, here they were, preparing to go off into the world on their own, full of enthusiasm and the naive certainty that they knew all there was to know about life.

Oblivious to the presence of their parents and their lamenting, Lawrence and Lily remained fully-focussed on the television screen and the fiercely contested virtual war they were waging on each other.

"Would you like a glass of wine or a cup of tea before we interrupt them?" Caroline offered as she guided her guests into the kitchen which was often the centre for comfortable conversation. She then gestured for them to pull up a kitchen stool each, which they did.

"Usually I'd love a glass of wine but I'm doing the driving tonight so I'll be responsible and have a cup of tea if you don't mind," Sandon replied regretfully.

"Same, thanks," said Patrick.

As Caroline busied herself filling the kettle and collecting some clean mugs Kate's voice came echoing along the hallway.

"Who was that at the …..?" She stopped her question there as, on entering the kitchen, she realised that they now had visitors. As to who they were, she wasn't sure.

Caroline reached out a hand to Kate and tugged the space between them closed.

"This is my wife, Kate," Caroline announced with quiet but obvious pride. "Kate, this is Patrick…Pat." Caroline's slight nod indicated towards the shorter of the two men and the one Lily appeared to resemble with the same heart-shaped face, doe-like, hazel eyes, a full mouth and olive complexion… again, the unconventional good looks. His hair, however, was much wavier and several shades darker than Lily's chestnut mane…almost black.

Patrick stood, reached over and with his large, outstretched hand took Kate's own slender one and shook it politely. She noted the roughness of his calloused skin as it pressed against the smoothness of her own hand.

"And this is Sandon…Sandy," Caroline continued.

In contrast, Sandon's greeting revealed hands that were delicately formed with long, fine fingers the nails of which were manicured with neat precision and skin which was supple and heavily dusted with pale freckles. He gently pressed Kate's dark hand between both of his as he moved towards her and placed a light kiss on her cheek.

Kate cast Caroline a questioning glance. The penny hadn't dropped. She still had no idea why there were two men in their kitchen, one of whom was still holding her hand and had, in fact, now clasped one of Caroline's hands as well while he gazed from one woman to the other, almost agog.

"Is everything alright?" Caroline asked. The man's attention was starting to make her feel a little self-conscious…a bit like an insect under a microscope.

"You'll have to excuse my partner," an amused Patrick explained, "for although he's as gay as a row of pink satin tents on a university campus, he has a fine appreciation for beautiful women….you should have seen him when he first met Naomi Campbell…his jaw literally hit the ground and his knees trembled….however, Sandy, staring is not acceptable."

"You're right," the other man acknowledged, "I do apologise but can I just say, in my defence, that I am totally mesmerised by what an absolutely fabulous couple you two women make…there's an intangible chemistry….some secret _je ne sais pas quoi_."

With a feather-light kiss to the back of each woman's hand, the enamoured Sandon finally released his hold.

Caroline could feel the hot flush of embarrassment on her cheeks at such an effusive compliment whereas Kate, she noticed, took it in her stride and simply responded with her wonderful smile and that shy drop of her eyes.

In an attempt to deflect any more attention from herself, Caroline finished off the introductions.

"Pat and Sandy are Lily's parents."

"Oh…. How lovely to meet you," Kate replied, hiding her surprise, if indeed there was any, far more effectively than Caroline had. "Lily did tell us a little bit about you. Patrick, you're a mechanic and Sandon…Sandy, you're a fashion designer of some repute, right?"

Sandy smiled his affirmation.

"She didn't mention that she had two….." Kate's voice trailed off as she realised she may have talked herself into an awkward corner.

"Dads," Patrick said, finishing her sentence for her.

Kate nodded. "Sorry."

"It's alright….she forgets that it's not what people expect and so she doesn't mention it or give folk warning…"

"She shouldn't have to," Kate replied, thinking of the recent conversation she'd had with Celia over their game of Scrabble, "especially in this household."

As Caroline fussed with the final stages of making the tea, Kate was left to carry the brunt of the entertaining for the moment but it wasn't too difficult as Sandon seemed to be one for a bit of a natter. When Kate casually mentioned that Lily had expressed an interest in following him into fashion designing, she unwittingly opened a Pandora's Box of tales and anecdotes about his career in the industry which he recounted with great enthusiasm and a sense of humour as dry as the Sahara. He regaled them with several stories of both the glamorous and the not-so-glamorous side of it all, including the occasional wardrobe malfunction, and had the two women, in turn, intrigued and in stitches with his recollections that continued long after Caroline had served the cups of tea.

Well aware of his partner's expert ability to dominate a conversation if given the slightest encouragement, Patrick made the most of Sandon's brief pause to sip his tea to change the subject away from the fashion stories (which he had heard in all their various forms dozens of times over) to ask, "How long have you been married?"

Caroline jumped in with the answer. "Not long….since March….a little over three months. We wanted to get married before Kate gave birth to Flora to make it all….you know…. official."

"Oh, how wonderful! Newlyweds! Sandon exclaimed with excitement.

The term made Kate and Caroline both laugh and blush for although they were only newly married, with all they had been through it often felt like they had already known each other for a lifetime, however, it was true to say that they both looked forward to and treasured the thought of a lasting future together….'Forever' had been the promise they had made to each other.

Sandon raised his mug of tea. Patrick followed his lead.

"Here's to Kate and Caroline. May they have a long and blissful marriage."

Kate and Caroline joined them in 'chinking' their mugs of tea to the happy salutation.

The topic of weddings and marriage continued with Patrick and Sandon revealing that they had been together for almost twenty-one years and although they hadn't needed a formal ceremony to be fully committed to each other, they agreed that a wedding would be the perfect excuse for a party and it would serve to both celebrate their long term coupling and take advantage of the new laws that finally, although well overdue, acknowledged the equality of same-sex relationships.

However, that was where much of the agreement ended. Whereas Patrick preferred the idea of an intimate and informal affair much along the same vein as Caroline and Kate's wedding, Sandon had his heart set on a large and lavish event to which they would invite virtually anyone and everyone they had ever known. Although a specific location was not yet decided upon, it would need to be held somewhere suitably ostentatious with magnificent decorations, serving only the finest of food and, of course, with free-flowing champagne. The dress code would be formal but, more importantly, flamboyant and celebratory. Sandon had even sketched out the initial designs of their own wedding suits which he had excitedly shared with his partner. However, they weren't received with quite the desired amount of enthusiasm but what more could be expected from a man who was most comfortable in a greasy pair of overalls. Sandon was firmly of the opinion that if they were to go to all the trouble of having a wedding they ought to do it properly and make it an occasion to remember. It was obvious that there was quite a bit of compromising needed before any wedding was to go ahead here.

"How old is your beautiful daughter? Flora?" Sandon inquired.

"Flora Grace."

"I'm assuming she's beautiful. How could she be anything else with such a gorgeous mother? I can't wait to see her."

"Just over three months," Kate replied quietly, a little overcome by the man's charm but also subdued by the reminder of what she had been through. Unfortunately and, at times, overwhelmingly, Flora's birthday would always be cause to bring up unwanted thoughts of how close she had come to losing her own life as well as that of her precious child. Kate hoped that with the passing of time it would all become less painful…less horrific…but at the moment the memories lay on the surface like a layer of new skin, fully exposed and easily bumped or bruised.

Wanting to explain the sensitive situation before either man could say anything that would unintentionally upset Kate, Caroline said, "She was born the day after our wedding….Kate was involved in a rather serious car accident….a hit and run…" Caroline's heart clenched tightly in her chest as the image of the two solemn-faced police officers standing ominously on the doorstep came flooding back to her. Before she continued she fixed her gaze on the benchtop as tears threatened. "The doctors were forced to deliver the baby by C-section as both lives hung in the balance….the situation was precarious for some time…"

The two guests had gone very quiet and as Caroline looked up at them gamely she could see in their expressions their shock at the unexpected news as well as the possibility of what could have easily been a far less fortunate outcome. Sandon hid a trembling lip behind his hand.

So as not to put a total dampener on what had been a pleasant chat, Caroline added more brightly, "But they're both as tough as old boots and have pulled through to make a full recovery….they're as good as new."

Before anyone could dwell any further on the matter, Lawrence and Lily sauntered into the kitchen, curious as to how their parents were getting along. As Lily greeted each father with a loose embrace and a kiss to the cheek, Caroline took the opportunity to catch Kate's attention.

"Are you alright?" she mouthed, concerned that the mention of the accident may have distressed her wife for, although the physical scars had healed well enough, the emotional wounds were still red raw and painful to the touch.

Kate nodded her head and gave Caroline an unconvincing smile.

With her arms still looped affectionately around her father's neck, Lily said, "I hope you haven't been torturing these poor women with your stories, Dad….they're looking a little glassy-eyed."

"That's because they're tired of waiting for you and Lawrence to stop blowing each other up long enough for us to take you home so, now that you have, we should get going and let these lovely ladies retire for the night," Sandon retaliated good-humouredly, "get your things and we'll be on our way."

Before Lily turned to fetch her bag she asked, "Dad, would it be okay if Lawrence comes over tomorrow afternoon to study? We have exams all week and we both need to revise."

Not quite believing what she was hearing, Caroline looked at Kate for confirmation. Kate looked back at Caroline with the same level of doubt. Neither of them were sure they had heard correctly and wore the same amazed expression at the idea of Caroline's less-than-studious son voluntarily spending a Saturday afternoon revising for exams. They then both looked over at this person who claimed to be Lawrence but he deliberately avoided their gaze. However, a tell-tale blush coloured his face as he read their thoughts and acknowledged the unusualness of the occurrence. Caroline had to admit to liking Lily more and more.

"Of course he can," both men responded.

Caroline and Kate walked their guests to the door where they shared parting handshakes and polite kisses to the cheek as well as promises to catch up again soon….Dinner one evening perhaps? Sandon and Patrick knew of a divine little restaurant which they desperately wanted to share with them. It would mean having to find a baby-sitter but maybe Celia and Alan would oblige. They hadn't been out for dinner since before their wedding….maybe they would spoil themselves and make a night of it.

The two women remained on the steps to see off their guests while Lawrence walked with them to their car, graciously opening the door for his girlfriend. After a chaste kiss, Lily secured herself in the back seat while Lawrence closed the door then stood at the top of the drive watching them leave. As the car reversed out onto Conway Drive, Kate and Caroline turned and went inside again, leaving Lawrence to drop the latch on the door as he came in.

"I think I'll go up and check on Flora and then go to bed," Kate called out as she watched Caroline make a bee-line for the kitchen.

"I'm just going to put those last few mugs in the dishwasher and turn it on then I'll join you," Caroline explained.

"Don't be long. Five minutes."

oooOooo

In the darkness, only one or two hours past midnight, Caroline's sleep was disturbed by a sudden jolt and restless movements beside her in the bed. Sensing that something was not quite right, she roused herself more fully so she could determine what the problem was. As things came into focus as well as they could in the shadowy blackness of the bedroom, Caroline instinctively reached out for her partner and floated a hand along the length of Kate's body. She could feel her wife's knees braced close to her chest and her hands tucked into tight fists. Her frame was folded into a tense ball, a vulnerable soul flinched into its protective shell.

As Caroline lay listening, she picked up on the sound of quiet sobs coming from her partner.

"Kate….Kate…" she whispered, "are you alright? What's wrong?"

There was no response other than the sobs becoming more forceful, more fraught. Caroline could only assume that Kate was still asleep and having a bad dream and was unsure as to what to do exactly.

Gently so as not to startle, Caroline ran a hand across her partner's cheek noticing as she did so, the wet track of tears. Again she whispered her wife's name until she gradually coaxed Kate from her troubled sleep.

"I think you were having another nightmare," Caroline said as Kate slowly entered consciousness and automatically swiped the streak of tears with the back of her hand.

Caroline could feel the nod of Kate's head against the pillow.

When Kate first arrived home from the hospital, nightmares had been a regular and rather disturbing occurrence but over the ensuing months the severity and number of bad dreams had waned significantly. However, tonight's discussion, Caroline guessed, had brought it all to the surface again.

"Was it the same dream?" she asked.

"No," Kate murmured hoarsely, her throat still constricted from crying. She gave a small cough to clear it. "It was different…not as awful….just sad."

"Do you want to tell me?"

For Kate, the most fearful thing about this dream was that she wasn't certain whether it was simply a creation of her mind or an actual memory from the accident. Everything seemed so crystal clear….the sounds…the smell…the images… but was it really possible?

After a moment's hesitation she nodded again and began speaking in small, quiet voice.

"That night…the night of the accident… after the doctors had delivered Flora and operated on me…I remember being there in the ward thinking that it wasn't so bad and that I felt perfectly fine….."

"You were unconscious and had been given a large dose of pain killers….your body was in shock."

"And maybe that explains what I saw but it seemed so real….I looked around the room and realised that rather than lying in the bed I was floating above it all but I could see myself…my body…still lying there connected by a network of tubes to all these machines that were relieving my pain and silently monitoring my every breath…my every heart beat….and you were there sitting beside me…holding my hand, your eyes red and swollen from crying….I tried to touch you and tell you I was alright but I couldn't reach you…I was steadily floating further and further away…then there was the sudden, urgent sound of alarms beeping….and you left me…you walked away….no, you _ran_ away."

"I went to get help," Caroline whispered hoarsely choking back the emotions, "those were the alarms on the monitors…your poor body was failing…I thought you were going to die….I didn't leave you."

Caroline brushed aside a stray, dark braid with fingers that trembled slightly and pressed her lips against Kate's mouth.

"I came back," Caroline replied softly as Kate slowly relaxed and unfurled her body, wrapping her legs around Caroline's as she did so, pulling her in closer. The thin fabric of their clothing and their skin all melting away as they melded, safe and secure. The sound of Caroline's voice and the reassurance of her words working as a salve on Kate's doubts. "I would…will never leave you."

oooOooo

Lawrence sat on the kitchen stool mechanically spooning cereal into his mouth at regular intervals, his thoughts a million miles away….Somewhere on a cloud numbered nine, Caroline suspected as she prepared some toast and tea for herself and Kate.

"She's very lovely," Caroline remarked.

"Huh? What?" Lawrence spluttered as his daydreaming was interrupted.

"Lily…she's lovely."

"Oh. Yeah," he replied trying to sound nonchalant about the whole subject and not wanting to encourage too many questions.

"How did you meet her?" Caroline asked, keeping it casual and as much like normal breakfast banter as possible.

"At school."

This was going to be like extracting teeth, Caroline thought to herself but she was determined to continue and find out some facts; facts she thought, as a mother, she was entitled to and would drag out of her son, monosyllabic answer by monosyllabic answer if necessary.

"I know she attends Sulgrave Heath and she's in your year level but how did you meet up?"

"A group."

"A group? What kind of group?"

Lawrence swallowed the mouthful of cereal he had been munching but didn't go for a refill. He knew that his mother would persist with the questions until she was satisfied she had the answers she needed so he decided that it was probably best to bite the bullet and get it all over and done with as quickly and painlessly as possible rather than prolonging the agony.

"There's a group at school for kids with gay parents…."

"There is?" As Head Teacher, Caroline assumed she knew most of what was happening at her school but this news came as a complete surprise.

"Yep…Lily started it about two years ago and when she heard that you and Kate were getting married she came and talked to me….she told me about the group and said that I was welcome to join them any time I liked."

"Two years!"

"I didn't go straight away….I was in 'denial' as Lily likes to call it and she's probably right and when I did eventually go, it was mainly to meet her again…. but it was good hanging out with others that are the same…no one teases you….everyone is in the same boat and understands what you're talking about and has similar problems. You can say things without having to explain yourself all the time or watch your words."

Caroline stood for a moment in stunned silence. How could she have been so unthinking? After the difficulty she had gone through coming to terms herself with the fact that she was a lesbian she was shocked that it hadn't occurred to her that her sons, especially Lawrence, would benefit from some sort of support network particularly with people of their own age. She knew to expect some teasing and there had been the 'Furry Cup' incident which she thought she had dealt with and nipped any further teasing in the bud but she hadn't considered the day-to-day things; the same day-to-day things she faced as an adult such as having conversations with strangers where you had to explain that no, you didn't mean your husband and that you were married to another woman or having to ignore the raised eyebrows and the sly, judging looks. Lawrence probably had to experience similar things including perhaps, the assumption that because his mother was gay then he was too. It never failed to amaze her some of the thoughts people had.

"So when does this group meet?" she finally asked.

"There's no set time….some of us hang out at lunch times when we can….We usually arrange to meet up on the weekends but nothing is set in stone…It's fun."

"And how many are in this group?"

"Like I said, we hang out at different times…in different groups…but I would say altogether there's eighteen, maybe twenty of us."

"That many? I didn't know….I would never have guessed."

"What wouldn't you have guessed?" Kate asked as she entered the kitchen, with Flora in her arms, and joined them, hoping for her promised breakfast.

"Did you know there was a group at school for students with gay parents?" Caroline asked. "Lily started it."

"Was that Lily? I knew somebody had started a group but I didn't know any of the details," Kate replied, much to Caroline's disappointment as it seemed she was the only one totally in the dark about it.

How much more was happening without her knowledge? As she placed a freshly-made cup of tea on the bench in front of where Kate had pulled up a stool and then went about spreading some jam on a piece of toast, Caroline made a mental note to make an effort to get out of the office more regularly.

Having lost interest in his cereal, Lawrence dumped the spoon in the bowl which he then pushed aside. Caroline gave him a stern look to which he replied, "I'll put it in the dishwasher on my way out."

Noticing that Kate was struggling to manage a squirming Flora and have her breakfast, Lawrence offered to nurse his sister for her so she could eat. It was an offer that Kate gratefully accepted. As Lawrence reached over to take her, Flora held her chubby arms out towards him and greeted him with a broad smile.

"Lawrence!"

"What?"

"Caroline, did you see that?"

"What?" Caroline and Lawrence asked in unison.

"Flora smiled….at Lawrence!"

"Really?" Caroline exclaimed as she abandoned her toast and turned to witness the event.

"What's the problem?" Lawrence asked, puzzled by all the fuss.

"It's her first smile," Kate explained excitedly.

"Oh." Then the significance struck him. "Her first smile was at me."

Again he reached out to her and again she rewarded him with what was an unmistakable smile full of gums and drool. As he took hold of her and perched her securely on his lap she continued to beam her smile up at him much to the delight of Lawrence as well as her two mums.

oooOooo

John had collected Lawrence just after five o'clock, an hour late as usual….the man was nothing if not predictable. Dinner had been eaten and the plates cleared away and Flora was asleep in her swing seat beside where Kate and Caroline had stretched out on the sofa, side by side. The plan had been to watch some television but, even though the TV was on, the two women had been caught up in another activity. One simple kiss had led to another and then another until both women lay completely naked on the sofa and were quite oblivious to the blaring of the television set.

Suddenly Caroline's phone, which lay on the nearby coffee table, began to buzz but neither woman was in any position to answer it so it finally rang out only to start up again ten minutes later. This time Caroline picked it up and glanced at the screen.

_"Gillian. I swear that woman knows when we're alone and calls on purpose," Caroline complained to herself as she answered. _"Hello, Gillian."

"Oh. Hi, Caroline," Gillian replied, "Are you alright? You sound a bit out of breathe…Is this not a good time?"

"No, it's fine," Caroline lied, "how are you?"

With one hand holding the phone, Caroline struggled back into her shirt which she didn't attempt to button up, and then managed to wriggle into her jeans. The thought of being naked while talking to her step-sister, even on the phone, just didn't sit right.

"Good…good…Can I ask you a favour?" Gillian's fingers plucked anxiously at a loose thread in the crocheted rug that covered the arm of her couch.

"_Oh, here we go_," Caroline thought and accompanied that thought with a dramatic eye-roll for Kate's benefit. "Yes, okay….what is it?"

"Um…you know how me and Robbie are getting married…"

"Yes."

"Well, we've set a date…a month from next Saturday…."

"Mmmm"

"Would you…Could you see your way clear to being my bridesmaid….my Matron of Honour?"

Whatever Caroline had been expecting it hadn't been that and it wasn't something she was keen to do. In fact, she detested the idea. She didn't even think that Gillian should be marrying Robbie in the first place.

"Matron of Honour? Do you really need a Matron of Honour?" Caroline sighed, barely bothering to disguise her consternation.

"Robbie's having a best man…Davo, his mate from the station so I need a bridesmaid. Come on, Caroline. It will be fun."

"In which universe could it possibly be fun?"

Ignoring Caroline's sarcasm, Gillian continued on. "You won't have to do much, just turn up on the day and hold my bouquet and perhaps…"

"What?"

While Caroline did her best to wheedle her way out of being Gillian's Matron of Honour, Kate located her own hastily discarded clothes and redressed. She then lifted Flora out of her swing seat, being careful not to disturb her and indicated to Caroline that she was going upstairs. Caroline nodded her understanding.

Kate had only just climbed between the sheets when Caroline entered the room, the expression on her face like a thundercloud telegraphing her annoyance at their evening being so pointlessly disrupted and at being asked to be a bridesmaid of all things.

"What was that all about?" Kate asked cautiously.

"Gillian wants me to be her Matron of Honour at her wedding! Can you believe it?" Caroline spluttered, totally aghast at the idea all over again. "And she didn't even bother to come to our wedding."

"What did you tell her?"

"I tried to say 'no' but she wasn't having it…she talked me into it." Caroline slumped down heavily onto the bed, disappointed that she hadn't held her ground and refused.

Kate tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh.

"How bad can it be? We were probably going to have to go to the wedding anyway," Kate consoled as she ran a hand inside the splayed front of Caroline's shirt.

"How bad can it be!….She wants me organise a Hen's Night and she suggested I get strippers! Male strippers! Who wants to watch a bunch of blokes strip down to their ….God knows what?...Well, probably Gillian does but I certainly don't."

While Caroline's face reflected her total abhorrence at the thought, Kate, in contrast, almost toppled off the bed with laughter.

"It's not funny, Kate," she insisted, "Even if I did entertain the notion I wouldn't have the faintest idea how to go about getting a stripper. Do I google them?"

oooOooo

Inevitably, like most other Mondays because it was the start of the working week, Caroline had a very hectic schedule with various meetings and management details to take care of and the rapid approach of the end of the school year only served to ramp everything up an extra gear. A million and one jobs needed to be done and a similar number of forms now crossed her desk wanting to be read and signed as things were being finalised as well as others being in preparation for the new school year that lay ahead. The run from here to the summer vacation was always a marathon and although she had done it many times, it always left her totally exhausted. Her holidays would be a well-earned and necessary relief.

It was only when the letters on the page began to scramble like disturbed ants at a picnic and the words, although she read them numerous times, no longer made sense that Caroline eventually shut down her computer for the day, did a brisk tidy up of the files and papers on her desk and prepared to go home.

On the way to her Jeep she took a quick glance at her watch and saw that it was nearly six o'clock. Initially she toyed with the idea of texting Kate and telling her she was about to leave but, in the end, she decided against it. The drive home was only twenty minutes and Kate knew that she was working late.

As Caroline cruised along the main road only a few kilometres now from her home, the urgent strobing of police lights and the piercing wail of sirens suddenly caught her attention. Instinctively, she looked in her mirror to see both a police car and an ambulance rapidly approaching from behind her. As soon as she could Caroline pulled over and allowed them to pass.

Back on the road again she noticed that they were heading in the same direction as she was. Caroline instantly felt her heart begin to race and her palms grow sweaty. Her breathing became rapid and shallow.

"Don't panic. Everything is alright. Kate is home safe and sound," she repeated to herself as she resisted the urge to speed up.

Her eyes followed the path of the emergency vehicles up ahead as they continued to take the same route until, to Caroline's enormous relief, at the final T junction both vehicles turned right whereas she needed to turn left.

Steadily her pulse settled and her breathing gradually returned to normal. All she wanted to do now was get home, slip into some casual clothes, curl up on the sofa with her wife and daughter and perhaps a glass of wine and recover from the demands of her day.

Once she had parked at the top of her driveway, Caroline quickly gathered her handbag and a few files she had brought home and made a direct line for the door. As was her habit, she tossed the keys into the bowl on the hall sideboard and then went in search of Kate. The sight that greeted her wasn't what she had expected.

Kate was slouched on the edge of the sofa in the living room. Her elbows were resting on her knees and her face was buried in her hands. It looked as though she had been crying. Caroline immediately dropped her bag and files on a nearby table and made her way to Kate's side.

"What's up?" she asked as she rubbed a soothing hand across her wife's back whilst trying not to panic for the second time that afternoon. "Tell me what's happened. Is something wrong with Flora?"

Kate shook her head and indicated to the table in front of her.

Lying on the coffee table was a torn, brown envelope and beside it a single sheet of paper …it was a typed letter with a number of official stamps on it.

oooOooo


End file.
